Advice from Mom to Dads: Get involved -- Key ways to stay connected and enjoy pregnancy, birth and beyond!

As you may personally already know, expectant fathers can feel sidelined at times during pregnancy, birth and even for the first couple weeks at home with their newborn. To start with, many women are just more comfortable around babies than men are. Little girls tend to grow up playing "house" with their dolls and start babysitting as soon as they're old enough. By the time they reach adulthood many women have already had some type of baby experience. Men, on the other had, typically haven't had any. In fact, before fatherhood many men have never even held a baby or changed a diaper. This inexperience can make many expectant fathers feel overwhelmed and intimidated by pregnancy, birth and the newborn period. But whether you are ready to jump into each new venture enthusiastically or prefer to take baby steps, there are plenty ways for you to get involved, feel connected, and come to really love your new role from pregnancy and beyond.

The Nursery: Even if shopping for onesies isn't high on your list of priorities, it probably is for Mom. Make it a point to prepare your home and nursery together as you expect your baby and speak up about which projects you'd be most interested in taking on. Whether it's helping compile the registry, painting walls, refurbishing nursery furniture, putting together the crib and glider, or comparing consumer reviews on best baby products, there are numerous ways to participate and enjoy the nesting phase of pregnancy.

Childbirth Preparation: The more you both learn about labor and the birthing process, the better. Take a childbirth class together. Meeting and talking to other men in the class will bring a sense of normalcy to the experience for you. You can also gather birthing-related books and DVDs to go over together at home. This type of preparation will allow you to discover key areas of support you can offer during labor. For example, learning and practicing effective massage and labor-coping techniques beforehand will help Mom relax as she births and will help you feel more comfortable and connected to the experience throughout.

Labor and Birth: A birthing mom should be able to thoroughly focus on the task at hand during labor so discuss ahead of time what kind of atmosphere she'd like you to maintain. For example, in addition to supporting her with massage and comfortable labor positions, you can keep the birthing room comfortable with the right lighting and temperature, make sure there is plenty to drink and have some nutritious snacks on hand. Discuss what types of needs she may have in advance and be ready to communicate them to nurses and other care providers as she labors. But remember that ultimately, staying calm during labor (even you don't feel calm!) and saying supportive and loving things to Mom is the most productive and meaningful way to stay involved and connected.

After the birth while Mom and her care providers complete the delivery, you can begin bonding with your baby right away. Stay close by as the medical staff assesses health condition and once complete, this is a great time to hold and look into the eyes of your baby (who will be able to see your face and recognize your voice!)

First Weeks at Home:

Although bringing home your new baby is an exciting moment for your new family, as parents you both may feel some fear about leaving a secure hospital environment full of professional support. That's why it's all the more important for Moms and Dads to communicate, work together, and enjoy this amazing time. While many Moms naturally tend to "take the lead" there are countless ways you can (and should!) care for and bond with your baby, including:

• Bottle-Feeding, including making bottles and burping.
• Breastfeeding support (i.e. let mom get settled, bring baby to her, help with positioning, and bring her a drink or snack.)
• Bathing
• Changing Diapers
• Walks
• Soothing
• Swaddling
• Reading (it's never to early-the sound and rhythms of your voice will be soothing.)

Everyone-men and women-have their own parenting style and level of comfort when it comes to pregnancy, labor and newborn care. The key to finding yours and settling in to truly enjoying the fatherhood journey is to get involved in a variety of ways and communicate with Mom as you both learn.

By Carole Kramer Arsenault, RN, IBCLC, and author of The Baby Nurse Bible: Secrets Only a Baby Nurse Can Tell You about Having and Caring for Your Baby