– You've developed a new relationship with your toilet … and your work's toilet … and any toilet you regularly have access to. And it's a whole lot closer. Like, in-your-face close.
– You don't go an hour without eating something … even if it's only a few Saltines.
– You can't get enough of a certain food that you've never particularly liked. Bologna and mustard sandwiches? For lunch and dinner? Really?
– Suddenly, the coworker who sits next to you seems to have the worst breath in the entire world. Why have you never noticed this before?!
– A 7:30 p.m. bedtime seems perfectly reasonable … even though you're still years (and years) away from being Grandma.
– Resting your eyes on the couch after work turns into a full-fledged nap … every day. Why not just bring a pillow and blanket into the living room?
– You feel like choking anyone who brings tuna sandwiches in for lunch. They're basically asking for it.
– You avoid exotic food like it's the plague. It might as well be, since you'll be sick if you so much as look at it.
– Getting a full night's sleep seems downright miraculous.
– You have to go to the bathroom five minutes after you just went to the bathroom. Really, really bad. Like, "Get the heck out of my way or I'm going to explode" bad, only with a worse four-letter word involved.
– Prune juice actually seems appetizing, if only because you think it might help with the constipation. Does anyone actually like drinking this stuff?
– You can't stand up after sitting for a while without feeling like you're about to pass out in a disco hall.
– Even reading the word "Charley horse" makes your legs hurt. (Sorry!)
– Blood seems more eager than usual to leave your body – in your tissues, in your toothpaste spit and in your underwear. Next it'll be coming out of your ears. (Not really.)
– You start thinking you must be allergic to yourself. Why else would your nose be stuffy 24/7?
– Your breasts are now off-limits to your partner. Dire consequences will ensue if he so much as brushes them with his arm by accident.
– At any given time, at any given place, you're more than likely wearing pants with an elastic waistband.
– Your mood swings could give Six Flags Great Adventure's Kingda Ka coaster a run for its money. (Look it up. It's wild.)
– You suddenly have the complexion of a 14-year-old boy who doesn't know what face wash is.