Friendly Mamas?

January 09, 2009 by

I have never been one to hang onto a friendship that is not working. Life is way too short.

When I was pregnant with my first, one friend had become a bit of a psychic drag or, as my husband describes, “she was the least together person I’ve ever met who thinks she has it all figured out.”

Unfortunately, I was spending an inordinate amount of time with that one person, listening to all of her problems, helping her work them out, picking her up when she fell (sometimes literally back when she was younger) and watching her repeat the same mistakes over and over. She was a mess, but even worse, she thought she knew it all. She would tell me how to do things or how she planned to be as a mother.

“I am going to be a stay at home mom,” she announced to me one day over lunch. She had barely been dating her boyfriend a month and I was already pregnant with four years of marriage under my belt, but she made that lunch all about what she was going to do when she married the boy who had not even proposed. I did not get a word in about my own very real, very current problems.

And worse? She was actually sanctimonious about the decisions I was making in real-time. It was that lunch that made me cut the tie. I figured I would have enough people to take care of and she was the one who most had to go.

I have never once looked back, especially since making so many new mom friends. I advise all pregnant mothers to look at their lives and their friendships, deduce which ones are rotten and toss accordingly. I still have several close friends who do not have children and I value their friendships and advice more than ever.

My criteria for keeping a friendship:

1.) Is it worth the time it takes from my child to keep this friendship alive?
2.) Do I actually respect this person?
3.) Does this person bring something valuable to the table?
4.) Does this person make me feel good about myself?

If I answer no to any of these questions, I let them go. It may seem harsh, but as a mom, I only have time for the friendships that matter and will make it over the long haul.

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