A little tough love can help you actually enjoy this most ­wonderful time of the year. Here’s how to be real without being rude.

By Bonnie Siegler

So Grandma Althea just invited you over for Thanksgiving week and Grandpa Jones wants to visit you—along with Grandma Jones—for Christmas and Santa’s first visit. Oh, and cousin Jen decided she’s coming for Hanukkah to help you get your nursery in order. Yes, it’s the holidays—when your already busy schedule becomes even busier, thanks to a mountain of holiday to-dos and the stress of face-time with family and friends. But setting the tone and making some rules for everyone can set you free to enjoy this special time.

“First, remember to take care of yourself,” says Lyss Stern, co-author of If You Give A Mom A Martini… and founder of Divalysscious Moms (divamoms.com). “That means do not run around making yourself exhausted.” But if you are inclined to entertain during the holidays, Stern suggests taking a bath before or after your guests arrive or leave. “Just 15 minutes in the bath, and you’ll feel refreshed. I love adding a little lavender oil—it does wonders.”

And never be afraid to ask for help. “Remember you are not Wonder Woman,” says Stern, who is mom to two young boys. “I was eight months pregnant with my first son, Jackson, during one Thanksgiving and was completely overwhelmed. For the next pregnancy, which was during the holidays, I made sure to tell my mom and sister that they were going to help cook, and I sent my husband on errands. Surround yourself with positive, helpful people.”

That’s what Rachel Campos-Duffy, mom of five children ages 2 to 9 and author of Stay Home, Stay Happy, did when pregnant with her fourth child. “My friend Debbie is my ‘Mommy Mentor’—a mom who can anticipate my needs and struggles. She gave me the best Christmas gift ever. She came to my house bearing rolls of cellophane-wrapped cookie dough that she had made at home and brought to me, so I could enjoy the cookie experience with the kids, without the work. This Christmas, if someone offers to help, don’t be a martyr! Maybe it’s cookie dough, some help with gift wrapping, or an hour of babysitting.