We know breastfeeding is a great way to bond with your baby, but what about dads and partners who aren’t actually feeding the baby? What can they do to help bond with their babies in their own ways? And how does that initial bond strengthen over time? For the first time ever, we’re turning the show over to dads so they can share their personal experience.
The Boob Group
How Dads Can Bond with a Breastfed Baby
Episode 175, Sep 21st, 2016
Please be advised, this transcription was performed from a company independent of New Mommy Media, LLC. As such, translation was required which may alter the accuracy of the transcription.
SUNNY GAULT: This Episode of Boob group is brought to you by Rumina Nursing-wear. Hands free pumping and nursing tanks and bras to support your breast feeding goals. Visit www.pumpandnurse.com and save 20% with promo code BOOBGROUP20.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: We know breastfeeding is a great way to bond with your baby, but what about dads and partners who aren’t actually feeding the baby? What can they do to help bond with their babies in their own ways? Today we are talking with dads about their personal experience. We are The Boob Group.
[Intro/ Theme Music]
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Welcome to The Boob Group! We are here to support all moms wanting to provide breastmilk to their babies. I am you host Priya Nembhard. I am also the founder of the Moms Pump Here nursing locator app which helps moms all over the World find great places to pump and breastfeed their babies. If you haven’t yet, we encourage you to download the New Mommy Media Network app which gives easy access to all episodes. You can also subscribe to our podcast through iTunes so all our latest episodes download to your mobile device automatically. And if you are on iTunes, please leave us a review, so other moms can learn about us.
Today we have a special episode! Let’s meet the dads joining our conversation today. Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.
WADE: Wade, dad of three, serial entrepreneur since 21 and a killer cook.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Love it!
JOHNER: Since 1921?
WADE: 1921…Wow that would be centuries!
JOHNER: Well, I am Johner. I am the host of Parent Savers also. I think this is my appearance on The Boob Group and I am very excited…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Welcome!
JOHNER: Yes! Very excited! So we have three boys-9,7 and 5years old. And I think that we figured out that my wife was either pregnant or breastfeeding, or a combination of the two at the same time for like 7 and a half years straight.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Oh my God!
JOHNER: So we went through this for a long time! We are out of it now, but lots of great memories and tips, and some we feel pretty strongly about.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Oh, wow, super mom there!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Well, welcome you both! I am so excited to have you both on! So this is a unique episode because we just have dads.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So we have some news headlines to share with you, guys, about a dad Breastfeeding viral video that was just released about a dad who was sitting in a restaurant. Have you guys seen this? He was sitting in a restaurant and his head was covered with a blanket just to show how ridiculous it is for a baby to be covered with a blanket while they are breastfeeding. And it had tons of hits. And a lot of, you know, mixed responses from people. But people generally loved it! Did you guys had a chance to see it?
WADE: I saw it. And I started laughing as soon as I saw it! I mean, I thought it was pretty funny. I thought it was pretty creative to be honest with you. You don’t see a lot of dads doing that. But I highly commend him for doing it! Because hey, moms are get crazy flacked all the time in public for breastfeeding. And really, there should be no reason for it. And people in general need to understand that this is like normal, you know. It is normal! What better way to bring to attention than to put a big sheet over your head in the middle of a restaurant where everybody is going to be looking at you?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Or why not even post it on Facebook?
WADE: Post it…
JOHNER: He looks like a ghost, right? Like wearing like that white sheet over…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Ghost dad!
JOHNER: Yeah, a ghost dad! But you know, I mean it is kind of funny, because I think that well, breastfeeding and everything should be spread everywhere. In some extend is sort of comparing apples to apples, because I mean, it is a grown person eating, and I think that… Not that I personally, I am not uncomfortable with like seeing people’s breastfeeding and like seeing the boob out and the baby on it, and have done that with you know, tons of people and seen it around.
But I do think that there are people that aren’t necessarily comfortable with seeing it exactly. And whether or not that should change or not, it is sort of the reality of our society. And so to some extend I think that people do need to think about the feeling of others around them. But that being said… So I don’t know if just saying: hey, we should be able to do it everywhere is the answer or what. It certainly brings awareness in the discussion to the topic. Am I saying something too controversial there?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: I think you might be.
WADE: I think it has opened a door of doubt.
JOHNER: That’s ok!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Well, you said you are not sure if people should be doing it everywhere. So what do you mean by that?
JOHNER: Well, no! So what I mean is that the reality of our society is that there are that aren’t comfortable with it. And while I wished that that weren’t the case, it is the world that we live in. And so to some extend you have to live in the world that you live in. You can’t just say that the world is different because you wanted to be. And I think that videos like this can enable and make that change. But the act of covering up a baby… Are there… I don’t know. Are there detrimental things to covering up the baby while it is breastfeeding? Like is that a negative thing? Or is it just that mom feels the stigma? What are they fighting against?
WADE: I am not an expert, but from what I have read online and heard from other moms, it is like basically some babies… Babies are different. Babies are human being. Babies have personalities. All babies do not come packaged the same. Some babies might not mind being covered up, others are going to straight up take the sheet and, or the nursing cover, and they are going to just drag it away, throw it away, because they are uncomfortable.
JOHNER: I would say for my wife that nursing cover helps her I think empowered to breastfeed in more places. But again, it would be great if she didn’t have to use it or feel so self-conscious about it.
WADE: Yeah, because you know what it is? Our society, like, you know, a lot of western-based societies, there’s a lot of, how should I say, religious attachments to things that we do. And it is…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Now we are getting deep!
JOHNER: Yeah, it is my fault, I am sorry!
WADE: And it is embedded over time, over like honestly 400-500 years, it is embedded in our culture. Certain things that are tough in our religions become a part of just mainstream society thinking. And one of those things are like ok, women should not be exposed. You know, in over hundreds and hundreds of years, it has become so common place where if you see a mom out breastfeeding, you can be like: wait a minute, that’s a little bit sexual, there is no reason for you to be exposing your breast like that, just cover up, be modest and everyone should be ok! But then you have moms now coming out saying: I am not here to please others, I am just feeding my baby, and there is nothing sexual about feeding my baby.
JOHNER: So I guess the video to me then… And I am sorry to interrupt!
WADE: No, no, it is fine.
JOHNER: I think what you are hitting is like for me like the disconnect. For me like a lot of the issues with society are for more the mom's perspective than the actual breast as it is the baby actually eating? And so to see the dad eating like a ghost with a cover over the head is, I think, while it raises awareness on the topic, it might not exactly be the issue that we want to change. To be clear, I wish that it was acceptable! But I know that it is not! And we should change that! That’s why The Boob Group is here, right?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Exactly!
WADE: Yeah, yeah, that’s exactly right! You know what, I heard one mom made a really great point that no one else… Well, that I’ve never heard anyone else ever made. And I was basically like: ok, I am going to be like the devil’s advocate here, the big “I'm going to hate you in the room right now" person. It was like: ok, I don’t have a problem with you wiping it out, breastfeeding in public, you know, it is your choice, to be honest with you, it is natural, this is what she was saying.
But she said she does have a problem with some women doing it out in public where there might be, you just don’t know who is sitting next to you, there might be someone there who had a problem breastfeeding, who have been trying to breastfeed, just never were successful at it, and it is basically a medical issue. So she’s coming from a: alright, this is going to affect that person mentally, psychologically, where like: oh, my God, I can’t believe she is there breastfeeding so normally, so easily, and I’ve never been able to do it. So right now I am not comfortable with this. Can you please put it away, because I am hurting emotionally right now?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Yeah, but you don’t know what people are going through.
WADE: Exactly! No one is physic!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: But you go back to that point that, you know, you just got to do it for yourself.
WADE: You just got to do it for yourself.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Wow! So you guys! Oh my God! What a deep introspective conversation over a viral video!
JOHNER: Welcome to my world!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Today we are talking about how dads can bond with a breastfed baby. So it happens all the time where the moms are the focus of attention and we don’t really hear about the dads stories, how they have struggled through the breastfeeding, what their stories are, and the support they’ve received. Why do you think men aren’t included in the breastfeeding conversation as much as moms?
WADE: Well, to be honest with you, dads are more proactive now than we used to be. So it is like someone is saying like there is reversal of roles now. And I don’t really call it a reversal of roles with moms from the 50s or 40s, or 30s being home, being caretakers, taking care of the kitchen, taking care of the babies, you know, making sure that everything is fine, the homemaker, where dad was our working all day, bringing the bread.
Now it is like, since the whole women working movement, sexual revolution, moms are working. There are home now where the mom is the sole bread-winner or there might be two bread-winners. So they share that caretaker role of children where if mom is home, dad is out taking care of his business; if dad is home, mom is out taking care of her business, because both are equally active now in work and taking care of children. So dads now are (unclear) part.
It is not like: oh, there are the dads, moms have to do all the work, dads are over there. It is not like that anymore. I know for me personally speaking, I do a lot of domestic things. I am a serial entrepreneur, but I enjoy being in the house, I enjoy cooking.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: You can really cook?
WADE: Yeah, check out the Instagram. I really enjoy that sort of stuff. It is fun. I enjoy making a great meal, seeing my wife enjoy it, seeing…especially seeing my kids say oh, my God, that so tasty, daddy! And going back to way back when they were kids, just being there was really exciting for me, you know. Like I grew up seeing family taking care of family. Especially babies being really taking care of, from really young ages. And that’s something I wanted to do when my kids were born. I wanted to make sure that my wife, you know, you, that you had time to rest, that you had time to eat…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: That was the second baby!
WADE: Yeah, first baby is always like mom is always hands on. Even when you try to help, mom is like…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Because you didn’t know what was happening yet!
WADE: Yeah, you knew.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Johner, what about you?
JOHNER: Yeah, I mean, so I think that, I mean, there’s the pretty obvious answer that we just don’t have the tools for the job. So it is really not our place necessarily to say: hey, here are some tips for breastfeeding from a male perspective. I mean, I think in general society is sort of waking up recently, and especially I feel like with our generation of parents, this current generation, and a prior years before us too, to the fact that, you know, healthcare companies, congressional hearing have a bunch of men making decisions for women and you know, women really being the ones to have the voice now, and should.
And I think in a marriage and when you start having, or if you are not married, if you are just with your partner and have like a baby together, and you are really filling out your roles. And so to tell someone who is doing the hard work of breastfeeding, when the dad can’t even do it, to really start, as I call it, like spread the knowledge and say: well, here is how it should be, it is a really difficult position for dads.
So I think that, you know, we are happy to take the back seat in here and be as supportive as we can, and we want to support, but I think, we also don’t want to overstep our balance. Especially with something that we don’t even fully understand! I literally can’t imagine having breastmilk coming out of my nipple and feeding a baby! Like it is really hard to imagine! I know it works, and it is amazing, but I can’t imagine it. So I think a lot of it is just following our partner’s lead, the ones that are leading the breastfeeding charge.
WADE: And you know what, Johner, I believe mentioning not having the tools for the job and taking a back seat, I remember I think you guys covered this in a previous podcast, but dad, in England I think it was, when he did try to take the front seat, and he tried to offer breastfeeding advice, moms came out like attacking him like crazy! Who do you think you are?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Oh, yeah, who was that dad?
WADE: Who are you? You don’t have breasts! You didn’t gave birth!
SUNNY GAULT: It was Jamie Oliver!
JOHNER: So to be clear-I am not here to give advice, or to judge anybody! We are here to have discussion about…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: We are talking to dads. Today’s episode is all about you guys, talking to dads.
WADE: Yeah, and the second part of your comment, Johner, about not having the tools, it is like yeah, we don’t have the tools and we really shouldn’t try to act like we have the tools. To a baby though, you know, when you are there, in that moment, in that space with the mom, a baby can tell the difference between a dad and a mom. And sometimes, there are little things that make us say: wow, what was that? Like for instance, when Priya was breastfeeding, I think it was Liam, our third?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Mhm.
WADE: Liam… He really had a huge appetite! But you know, when she is done breastfeeding, I would take the baby and I would put the baby on my shoulder to sleep. But I guess Liam was not done breastfeeding. At that time, you know, there was one incident where I had on a tank top, or it was my shirt, I don’t remember, where I thought he was done breastfeeding-he went straight for my chest! He went straight…
JOHNER: That’s hilarious! Yeah, I think they love nipples. He was looking for nipples.
WADE: He went straight for my nipple. I am just like: oh, dude, I don’t have breast. But then again, I am thinking: wait a minute, you know what, that’s one of the side effects of being a dad with newborn kids-you tend to like let go of yourself a little bit and you start growing what they call now a dad-bot. But you know what, at that moment he couldn’t tell the difference. So he went straight for it and I found it comical, I found it so funny, you know. But the dad just told me: hey, listen, you know, moms, you guys have the tools, like you are saying, Johner, they have the tools.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: No, but you just brought up a very good point-after the breastfeeding was done, you put him to your skin.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: It is a bond!
WADE: It is a bond, it is a bond! Because, you know, they need to know there’s a dad there too. It is nice knowing that oh, I have mommy. They can smell mommy. They know the feel of mommy. But also bonding with the dad is really important. Because hey, when mommy is tired, it is nice to know that there’s that back up, that supportive back up that they can go to, and not cry when you put them on your shoulder. So it is really important for them to be there with their dad too.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So Johner, what obstacles… You said your wife breastfed for seven years straight.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: That’s amazing! What kind of obstacles did she have?
JOHNER: So my wife, and it started with the first, and especially like… And it was a unique obstacle, it was a thing for her to support. Well, she had too much breastmilk. A lot of the focus on breastfeeding and the support groups that she went in to, were for people that were having trouble getting it started, or having trouble. But her thing was, and I mean, I will never forget like the first time, like… The veins on her boobs, and they were just engorged and gigantic, and like milk squirting everywhere.
And it was really, really painful for her. And like we can laugh about it now, at least I can, I hope she can too, but like to the point where like she would take off the, when she would go to breastfeed our first and would take off the pad or whatever. Like she would be spreading the baby all over the face, because the milk is just ready to come out and she just…she had so much milk. And so I think that was like… That was our obstacle.
She was in constant pain and constantly spreading the baby’s face with milk, because she had so much of it. But I think that, I mean, just in general, and especially with our first. I wanted so much to be able to help her, and be a part of everything that I could, I mean, although it was nice when I was able to sleep, while she would get up and breastfeed, and I was like: oh, you got this one… But I mean, you want to be there for each other. And really we are a team doing this baby, but that’s something that you know I can’t be a part of.
But so we can… I can help get the breastmilk bags in the freezer while she was going to pump, because we had to o much. Or you know, help if we were going to do middle of the night feeding and somehow she wanted to pump and save some so she could have some at work, you know, to a feeding in the middle of the night. But a lot of our obstacles had to do with having too much milk. And you know, there are a lot of things that come with that as well.
WADE: Wow! Seriously, bless you guys for that! Because in the opposite spectrum there are those moms who barely produce enough milk.
JOHNER: Oh, totally! Absolutelly!
WADE: Yeah, and to your point being there for your wife, being so close, being so supportive, that’s really…
PRIYA NEMBHARD: That’s team work!
WADE: Yeah! Like seriously, I command you for that, man! And think about this. When you are not at home, when you are away, in those months following after childbirth, when you are away, dads have to be there also with moms on the go. And to have a wife who is producing so milk, she’s going to need like some sort of extra hand.
JOHNER: And for us, there was always a puzzle too that I think a lot of… My wife worked as well, so we were both working. And this is if like the wife seems to travel or whatever. But it becomes a puzzle of like the breastmilk supply, and either sending, if you’re sending the baby to…the kid to a daycare, or if there’s someone that is like a babysitter that is watching it, or she’s got to go to work and I am watching it, and just managing the breastmilk supply. And it is just a big giant puzzle of you know, frozen breastmilk, and what’s the date on this one, and all this stuff, and I think figuring out: ok, do I have the icepack in the cooler, and I don’t want to ruin the breastmilk.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So that’s a great point, Johner. So what happens when things don’t go quite as planned for dads and they feel left out of all baby excitement? Because I know that happens. How could dads bond with their breastfed babies? We will be right back!
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PRIYA NEMBHARD: Welcome back! Today we are talking about how dads can bond with their breastfed babies. And we have two fabulous dads joining us today, Wade and Johner. So now that you’ve supported your wives while breastfeeding, what about you guys? You can’t physically breastfeed. What can dads do to bond with a breastfed baby? Dads, what do you think about bonding with your baby?
JOHNER: Skin to skin contact. That is… I mean, whenever we could get that for me and any of my sons, it was great. So whether it was just either laying on the coach and making sure that we had some time just together, snuggling a bit. But also one thing that you know, sometimes if Christina had to get up in the middle of the night and do a feeding, or she did a feeding during the day, as soon as the baby sort of comes off do a little bit of a transition, so instead of snuggling with mommy right after, there’s a little bit of daddy snuggling time too, which is really nice. And I think she appreciated it too, cause then she’s able to back in with whatever it is moms do after breastfeeding.
WADE: Yeah, and I agree with that so much, Johner, and being dad, you know, like me, we…well, like us, we have three. And my second was the most challenging. And to be honest with you, I always tell my wife I have a lot of grey hairs from my second.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: I still get grays!
WADE: And I am still getting grey hairs. But it is so important! Cause babies… For babies it is all about the senses, you know. It is all about the smell, the feels, the sounds. And our second baby was a little bit more colicky. We didn’t know why, but we eventually found out and it was resolved. But in the beginning, in those initial stages after she was born, there was so much crying, we really couldn’t understand. And for me… And wow! I got to say: thank the Universe for keeping me energetic!
It is like after my wife was done feeding, the baby would still be crying. And I am like: why is she crying? I don’t understand! So my wife would take the baby, she’s still crying. She rocked her, sang to her, she’s still crying.
So I tried the same stuff, she was still crying. And eventually I did this one thing: I just wedge myself into a corner in the house, comfortably cause I knew I was going to be holding her for a while, and I stood up, like on two feet, not sitting down, not laying down, I just stood up, put her on my shoulder and just lean back in the corner, and she stopped crying. So we figured out she loved it when dad, not mom, not grandma, not anybody else, she just loved it when dad held her to his chest, stood up and stayed there for at least 5-10-half an hour.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: And she knew when you sat down.
WADE: And she knew when I sat down! Don’t ask me how! But she knew that this guy wasn’t standing up. Why aren’t you standing up, dad? Stand up now! Please! And it worked so well! And that was why I was like: wow, it’s really important, because maybe it is not just mom all the time! There is something about some dads too! You know?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Mhm, absolutely!
JOHNER: Yeah, you make think about, you know, I mean, the other ways of supporting the wife too when you talking about wives, baby crying, what can I do? Like what can I change? I think that whenever that happens too when mom is breastfeeding I remember like going through the check list of Christina and saying like: alright, what did you eat? Like when did this happen? What was this? And just sort of, you know, helping her trouble sheets any breastfeeding problem.
It was a great way like that we can offer support as well. But then, as far as putting it in the corner, I remember, you know, as a way to bond too, one thing that I always loved, was the chance to get to wear the baby in whatever baby-carrier we had. I think we went through different ones for each kid. Maybe we settled on one by the third one.
But you know, that’s just another way I think to literally help ease load off your wife and also have some time kind of like right there with the baby and have the baby close. It is a good way to bond. So while we can’t do the feeding, there’s so many cool ways to wear the baby that is really fun for dads. That is something I always enjoyed doing and I think really helped create that bond.
WADE: Oh yeah! And you know, like for me I really enjoyed those moments when I got to nap. But you know, you can only nap when your baby nap. So for me, like when mom was done feeding, you after Priya was done feeding, I really took the opportunity to lay down next to each one of my babies and just take like a nice little parallel nap.
JOHNER: That’s one of the best parts!
WADE: Oh, yeah!
JOHNER: You feel like you are doing the right thing by napping! Like really? If you think about when your kids are babies like just napping with them and knowing that like there is nothing else you want to or should be doing right now, accept taking a nap with your kid. And that’s amazing!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: I know for dads that are perfect!
JOHNER: Oh yeah!
WADE: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Perfect opportunity! Ok, so now… Ok, so we are talking about babies. So what happens over time as you’re bonding with your baby? How have the relationships moved and changed? How has the experience, bonding with your baby while they’re being breastfed, affected your relationship over time? Cause now you both have older kids. You both have young kids and older kids. How has the bonding affected your relationship over time?
WADE: Oh my God! I am glad you asked that question! Because to be honest with you, speaking about feeling left out, bonding with your baby ensures that you are not left out later on as they turn to those terrible two coming around, those three year olds, and four year olds coming around. I found that for me anyway being there for my wife, and being there for the baby, to hold them, to help bard them, when they got older, two years old, three years old, when mommy said no! they would come running to daddy, you know, because daddy was a little bit softer, you know, dads just tend to fall for it, man, where moms tend to say no.
Especially if it’s a little girl. She just becomes daddy’s little girl. And I found that because of that early bonding when they, you know, felt angered, when they felt scared, as long as I was there, they would just come running. They would feel no hesitation what so ever! They would just come running into my arms. And it felt so good, you know. So I am just telling to all dads out there, if you are listening right now, bond! Hold them! You know, joke with them! Sing to them! Make funny faces! It’s all part of the bonding. Put them on your chest! Burp them! I did a lot or burping! A lot of burping! Ok, no, let me clarify! I did a lot of burping of the baby! Not me! You know, that would be just strange!
JOHNER: I think this is a really interesting question, because I haven’t necessarily thought about it. And for us, a lot of focus was in the time that we were breastfeeding, of how important it’s going to be, and how it is. But I think that now that our youngest is five, I hadn’t really thought about it. Not only necessarily the effects of breastfeeding may have had on his brain, like we kind of move on from that in a way, and I know that there are so many great benefits and that’s why we did it, but I hadn’t really thought about it.
But also specifically to think about, you know, the bonds and what maybe whatever we did to bond or whatever breastfeeding could have done for it. I think that… I would just say in general: they way that we treat and approach breastfeeding and really just wanting to be there for them, and by the time out third rolled around, we just gave him the boob whenever he wanted it. With the first one I think we got a lot of advice from people to try to restrict it and keep it on a schedule, and do it on time.
WADE: Oh yeah!
JOHNER: But you know, you start figuring things out and what feels right for your family. And for our family what it felt right was being there for our kids. And I think that is really carried over into life a lot is the empowerment to, you know… That this is our family, this is our life, this is how we are going to treat the babies, and they are still our babies, even though they are getting older, and so you know what? If the 7year old wants someone to snuggle with him at night, we will still snuggle with him at night! Not every night, but we want to be there for him. And we want to do it for the babies. And I think breastfeeding taught us a lot about how we wanted to parent. And I would say that’s the way that’s carried over.
WADE: I agree!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: That’s an awesome point! That’s an awesome point, Johner!
JOHNER: Wade, did you ever try it? Did you ever try breastmilk?
WADE: Hey, listen, no, I did.
JOHNER: I did! No, I mean I did. I borrowed, you spray it on your… Like to see if it’s warm and you like licked it?
WADE: Exactly, because I wanted to know. I was like I totally forgot what breastmilk is. I was breastfed, but you don’t remember what breastmilk tastes like or feel like in your mouth. I was like, you know what, to understand something, to understand how to deal with something, sort of like emirs yourself into it. When in Rome, do as Romans do! So hey, I am in baby’s world, I want to understand what the baby like about this thing, you know, why? So yes, I did try it. And if you ask any other dad, they will probably tell you too yes, we did try it. You know, that’s not weird.
JOHNER: Tastes like soy milk.
WADE: It does!
JOHNER: No, I wasn’t like sitting around, watching the game, taking a pool of the bottle.
WADE: That would just be weird.
JOHNER: I tried it. Yeah, I think you are right. Every dad has probably tried it.
WADE: Every dad! Because other dads, lots I’ve asked, they said yes.
JOHNER: Moms try it too though, right? Priya, you’ve tried breastmilk?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Yeah, I mean you try everything before your baby tries it.
JOHNER: And also, as a dad, we might even drink it more, because I got to make sure it’s not spoiled or that I got it to the right temperature.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So you are chugging down breastmilk, sitting on the coach, watching the game? Hahaha!
WADE: I think this one is off a little bit.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Ok, so we… This is a great conversation! If you were talking to a dad, face to face, about tips that they can, you know, use about bonding with their baby, what would share with them? What would you tell them? Like with your boy. You are just sitting there, you are having a beer, getting some time off from the kids, and somebody might bring up, you know, having this really you know hard situation, I am trying to find ways to bond with my baby. What would you say to your boy?
WADE: Basically the bottom line is you need to be close by. You need to be on call. You need to be ready. You need to make sure that your baby can feel you, can physically touch you at all times. You know, be that backup for mom when she’s done breastfeeding. Be that backup to hold the baby. Because you know, like we’ve mentioned throughout this whole podcast, it’s all about contact. And babies sense their parents. Babies understand that ok, they know your sound, they know your smell, they know that oh, this is mom, oh, my God, this is dad, you know. Babies are familiar with the mom thing, mom’s always there. But if dads are there too, oh my God, that’s just one huge added bonus.
JOHNER: For it would be I think. I love the bonding for sure, and the skin-to-skin for sure, but, you know, it’s kind of do what feels right and you know, figure out what is going to work best for your family. And just realize that we are actually all kind of idiots about this whole parenting thing and trying to figure it out. And you know, babies are pretty resilient. And it’s going to be pretty hard to mess it up. But you need to do what feels right for your baby and do what’s right for you, that’s going to make you feel good. So support your wife and get as much time holding that baby as you can.
WADE: Yeah! Just one last one. This is, you know, the 21st century. It is like we’ve said: parent had come a long way; the roles have come a long way. Now it is not just about mom anymore and people don’t want to it to be just about moms. Moms definitely don’t want it to be just about them anymore. Moms want, you know, equal time sharing. It is like I spend time, dad spends time. It is not 1955 where dad is smoking a pipe, he is reading the newspaper and watching TV, while mom is nursing, or mom is in the kitchen, or mom is changing diaper. It is like you’ll see dad is doing that too. And that is so important.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Wow! So this has been a really great conversation! It has been real! You guys are awesome!
WADE: Oh, yeah, real stories!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Thank you so much to both of you for being part of today’s show!
JOHNER: It was great! Like I said, we’ve talked about The Boob Group for a while and I am excited to finally make an appearance!
WADE: I know!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Hopefully there will be more appearances! I should be on more often.
WADE: It is good to have a dad guest every now and then, you know?
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Of course! It is important to have you guys as a part of the conversation.
WADE: Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So thank you so much for sharing your experiences! So if you are a member of The Boob Group club, then be sure to check out the bonus content for this episode where we discuss the use of the phrase “we are breastfeeding” versus “my wife is breastfeeding”.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So, now it is time for the “Boob Oops” segment, a funny segment where we include stories from moms and dads about their experiences with breastfeeding. So today’s “Boob Oops” story comes from Johner. Johner, why don’t you tell us a little bit about what happened to you?
JOHNER: So my wife had a lot of milk. And so we have a freezer in the garage, and a freezer inside. And so we keep the breastmilk in the freezer. And she awesome with writing the dates on the backs, and everything, and had it in the freezer in the garage. And so we are quite a bit of a stacked up. And so one morning walked into the garage to grab some I think the pack for the day to send the kid off to the babysitter, and the freezer hadn't been closed.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Oh, no! You lost all of it?
JOHNER: There was…We count it! And it was over, I think, it was over 10pounds, it might have been 12pounds of breastmilk. And we retraced our steps. And I had never been so scared. And we retraced the steps and we figured out that it was Christina that had been the last one in the freezer.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: You were terrified that it was you?
JOHNER: She said: if it had been you, I am not sure what I would have done to you, but I wouldn’t be very nice.
WADE: Oh my God!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Wow!
JOHNER: I mean, it was so crushing for her!
JOHNER: But she recovered and did it. But that was our… That was one of our horror stories I remember from breastfeeding: make sure our freezer is closed.
PRIYA NEMBHARD: Yeah, that’s great tip!
WADE: It is! It is! Breastmilk is precious liquid gold! And any chance you to preserve it, keep it, save it, store it, you know, it is really important!
PRIYA NEMBHARD: So that wraps up our show for today. Thanks for listening to The Boob Group!
Don’t forget to check out our sister show:
∞ Preggie Pals for expecting parents
∞ Newbies for newly postpartum moms
∞ Parent Savers for moms and dads with toddlers and
∞ Twin Talks for parents with multiples.
This is The Boob Group where moms know breast!
This has been a New Mommy Media production. The information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. While such information and materials are believed to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, medical advice or care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.
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