Signs of a Spoiled Child

You love your children. And because we want them to happy, new parents might be tempted to overindulge. But how to you actually know if you’re spoiling your children? In what ways do parents typically spoil their children and how can it impact them long-term? And if you are spoiling your children, what are some simple ways to correct the issue so it doesn’t become a problem.

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Parent Savers
Signs of a Spoiled Child

Please be advised, this transcription was performed from a company independent of New Mommy Media, LLC. As such, translation was required which may alter the accuracy of the transcription.
[Theme Music]

NANCY COHEN: You love your children and as new parent you may be tempted to overindulge in the hopes of making them as happy as possible. What are some signs that you are spoiling your children? How does it typically impact your children? And what are some of the ways you can change the situation? I’m Nancy Cohen, a child development and behaviour specialist and this is parent savers.

[Theme Music/Intro]

SUNNY GAULT: Welcome to Parent Savers, broadcasting from the birth education centre of San Diego. Parent Savers is your online on-the-go support group for parents with infants and toddlers. I’m your guest host, Sunny Gault. Thanks to all of our loyal listeners who join us every time a new episode is released. And for those of you who continue our conversations with us on Facebook and Twitter.

If you want to get even more parent savers content be sure to join our special club. Also check out the parent savers app so you can listen to all of the episodes wherever you go. We are on iTunes, we have an app that’s a windows based app, and we’re also on Google Play. So Colina our producer is going to tell us how you can get involved if you don’t live right here in San Diego

COLINA CAROTHERS: So, if you want to join in on the conversation and you’re joining us online or maybe listening afterwards, you can always also follow us on Facebook or Twitter. Use the hash tag #parentsaversvp. And we will do our best to get you involved in the conversation and get your questions answered.

SUNNY GAULT: Awesome. So let’s meet everybody that’s here in the studio. You guys know me, I’m Sunny and I have four children, ages four, two and then I have identical twin girls who are ten months old

STEPHANIE GLOVER: I’m Stephanie Glover. I’m thirty two years old. I’m the host of Preggie Pals which is also on the new mommy media network. I have two daughters, Gretchen and Lydia. Gretchen is three years old and Lydia is thirteen months

COLINA CAROTHERS: Alright and I’m Colina. I am twenty six. I am the producer of course of Parent savers. I have one son his name is Adam and he is sixteen months

SUNNY GAULT: And Nancy is our expert. Nancy, how many kids?

NANCY COHEN: I have one daughter. She’s grown up. No grandchildren yet, but keeping my fingers crossed

SUNNY GAULT: Well welcome everybody

[Theme Music]

SUNNY GAULT: Hey Parent Savers, before we get started with today’s show, I’d like to introduce you to Christina Plejdrup. She’s a creative military stay at home mom. And she’s created a product called The Minkey to help kids stay a little bit warmer when it’s cold outside. And today she’s joining us from Germany. So, Christina welcome to parent savers

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: Hi, Thank You. Thank you for having me

SUNNY GAULT: Absolutely! So, Christina I’m really excited to learn a little bit more about your product the Minkey. What exactly does it do?

NANCY COHEN: Well the Minkey is a winter garment from babies to toddlers aged four as combined hats, scarf and gloves into one product. So you don’t have to worry about kids taking their hats off and throwing it away or the gloves and throwing that away. So it just keeps everything in one garment. And it’s super easy to put under, there’s no suit or jackets or vests. And it keeps kids warm you know, and dry.

SUNNY GAULT: Okay. And then how did you come up with the idea? I’m thinking you probably had an issue with your own children and it led you to creating this product right?

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: Yeah, yeah. My daughter she’s never liked wearing gloves at all or hats. So we spend a lot of time in Sweden during the winter because that’s where I’m from. And my daughter would take her gloves off and she would throw them away and her hat and we wouldn’t find that and she would get upset because she was cold. So I figured if I sew together one of these baby [inaudible] products together with her one old tights, that way, it will all be in one piece like her hands would be warm and that’s kind of how I got the idea and then I got some fleece fabric and I started doing this on my own. And that way I, I got everything in one piece and she wasn’t able to take her gloves off and throw them away and wear a hat

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah you know I experienced that with my own kids as well. So I know exactly what you’re talking about. You mentioned fleece, you know is that the primary material that’s used in it or are there different materials? What can you tell us about that?

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: I’m using a stretch fleece, it’s soft and stretchy as well and it doesn’t, it’s not because it’s not constricting in any way at all. And it’s warm it’s not that really thick fleece. It’s a thinner fleece. That way, they don’t start sweating or anything underneath and it’s, but it’s all in fleece

SUNNY GAULT: Okay. And what about the different styles and colours, what can you tell us about that? I’m assuming all that’s on your website as well

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: Well right now I have a bunny style, it’s a, it comes in baby pants and old funny ears. And then I have a plain style it comes in pink and blue. And then I have two new ones it’s a flower style it comes in purple and baby pink. You have like cute little flower on the hat. And then I have a dino style. It comes in green and meant mostly for boys and dinosaur pattern on the head and everything. So, it’s really cute

SUNNY GAULT: Oh super cute. How does sizing work for it? Is the one size fits all? Or what do we need to know about that?

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: Well they come in size, different sizes. So they start at newborn to six months and then six to twelve months and then twelve to twenty four, twenty four to thirty six and then a three T to four T and so it’s the big ones.

SUNNY GAULT: Okay. And I know, you know, when our kids are outside and they’re playing, they will tend to see to get a little bit dirty, I don’t think it’s just my kids. I think it’s kids in general. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve got to throw stuff in the laundry the moment my kids touch it. What is it like to clean these? Is it easy? Can we just throw it in the washing machine?

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: Yes super easy. I hate complicate you have to dry clean it. So I wanted it to be easy to clean. So all you have to do is wash it in warm hot water and then toss it in the dryer. So it’s no, no fancy stuff

SUNNY GAULT: Okay. And I know you have more information about the product on your website

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: It’s www.theolie.com

SUNNY GAULT: Alright. Well, if you guys are listening to this episode, shortly, after we release it we do have a special deal for you. You can actually save thirty percent of all Minkey’s but that’s only November 27 through December 1st and that is on different website, the website is www.bumblebean.com but of course, you know like Christina said if you want more great information about the product and sizing as well as to check out those fabulous colours and styles.

Make sure you visit the website at the www.theolie.com and that’s THEOLIE.com. Alright Christina thanks so much for being on our show today and for creating such a great product for us

CHRISTINA PLEJDRUP: Thank you very much and have a great thanksgiving

SUNNY GAULT: Thanks. You too

[Theme Music]

SUNNY GAULT: Today we’re talking about spoiling your children and our special expert is Nancy Cohen, a child development and behaviour specialist. Nancy is also one of our askedly expert so if you have specific questions after listening to today’s podcast, you can send us an email and we’ll ask Nancy. And I promise not to overload you with questions Nancy we’ll go through them and give you the good stuff

NANCY COHEN: That’s fine. I’m happy to get questions

SUNNY GAULT: Well thank you for joining us. I know you’ve been an expert on our shows numerous times and it’s always nice to see you

NANCY COHEN: Thank you. I love doing this

SUNNY GAULT: So let’s talk about the term spoiling. I feel like we kind of need to define this before we really start talking about it. And I think that the term spoiling, people have a defensive about it. It’s a very subjective topic. So, as a professional, how do you define the term spoiling?

NANCY COHEN: I think spoiling is when a child is kind of ruling the roost. The child is in charge and the parents are a little bit about setting limits or saying no or making the child unhappy or letting the child have the tantrum that kind of thing. And so instead of letting the child go through the natural feelings of having limits and boundaries, they say “oh this is too uncomfortable for me or it’s too uncomfortable for my child.

I don’t like to seeing my child this way so I ended up giving in” and then once we start giving in, and giving in and giving in and giving in children learn “well if I throw a tantrum, if I argue, if I whine, if I use certain behaviours I’ll get what I want” and so we have parents who then give in, and that’s what causes spoiling. The parents don’t feel good enough about themselves or their parenting or understanding kind of what’s going on behaviourally between them and their children.

To be able to say “NO” and feel good about “No” and then letting the child have whatever feelings “No” produces and then move on. Does that make sense?

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah

NANCY COHEN: So it’s not about having a lot of things because I know a lot of kids who have a lot of things. But they don’t get them after they’ve been whining or crying or demanding. They get them because they’ve earned it or they’ve saved up money or their parents give, giving it to them because it’s timing in their lives to have it like an iPad or something like that.

So, I think it’s more about the parents than the child. And I think however, having that said, saying that, children’s temperaments play a big role in spoiling children because if we have easy kids, and we give a limit, and we say “No” and we have an easy kid that says “okay” that’s great, we don’t have to have a fight with them.

If we have a very tenacious or very difficult child who’s arguing, and arguing and arguing and they don’t let go and they don’t let go and they don’t let go and we just give up, sometimes that will produce kind of what we call the spoiled child. Because the parent just can’t handle that type of temperament

SUNNY GAULT: Is it bad, is spoiling bad in your opinion. As I was doing research on this I came across, it was actually Dr. Phil’s website and he called it a form of child abuse which I thought was interesting to say the least. But what are your personal feelings on it? Do you think it’s a bad thing to spoil a child?

NANCY COHEN: I do. I think it’s a bad thing because it doesn’t teach children how to delay gratification. It doesn’t teach children how to problem solve and work things out. It makes children often feel entitled. And then the outcome later on if they’re out of the house is hard too because then they think well everybody should just bow to me at my job, in school. You know, I’m kind of the center of attention and for some kids it’s really hard to make that transition. So, I wouldn’t call it abusive is much as not really helping the child have the best outcomes that he could have, who he is

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah. So for the panellist here in the studio, do you guys, are you guys scared of spoiling your kids? Does that come up in conversation, you know, with your family at all about, are we spoiling them? Are we getting close to spoiling them? Is it not a concern for you guys?

STEPHANIE GLOVER: I have a strong willed toddler who tests me constantly. But, I’m comfortable at saying “No”. But we’re in the phase because she’s in the terrible three’s. She just started them so it’s going to be a long year, but because you know yesterday. . .

NANCY COHEN: Call me

STEPHANIE GLOVER: We’ll talk, because yesterday it was a two hour tantrum because I had told her, you know, no you can’t have a second cup of something you know it was an appropriate timing too. And I’m comfortable letting her work that out. Is that fun for anyone? No. I hope I’m doing the right thing. But if anything, I don’t think I’ve been accused of spoiling, I probably the, my mother in law would say that, maybe not for giving enough with that kind of stuff but I don’t know if that’s just a grandma thing

SUNNY GAULT: Oh you’ve been mean parent

STEPHANIE GLOVER: I guess. But I’m trying to set the boundary

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah there’s nothing wrong with that

NANCY COHEN: You’re not the meanest, I’m the meanest parent

SUNNY GAULT: Because your daughters’ told you

NANCY COHEN: I’m the meanest parent. And parents most parents get that, even if they’re going to setting limits and kids know that. Or even if they give in a lot

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah

NANCY COHEN: Parents are always the meanest. “You’re the meanest mom” none of my other friends do this. Their moms are nice

STEPHANIE GLOVER: Well I already talked to my 13 year old and she’s promised to not be a terrible toddler. And so I’m feeling good

SUNNY GAULT: Did you say thirteen years?

STEPHANIE GLOVER: Thirteen months

SUNNY GAULT: Okay, I thought you said years. Holy cow! How did she grow up fast? Colina are you worried about spoiling Adam?

COLINA CAROTHERS: I mean right now not so much because he’s really easy to redirect. So, if he wants something that’s inappropriate that he shouldn’t have it, most of the time it’s something that will hurt himself because he still’s kind of figuring out what is appropriate things to play with and what’s not. He’ll get upset when we take something away from him or don’t give in, do what he wants.

But then, he’s pretty simple to be like but here is another option of something you can do that’s appropriate. And he’s like, “oh okay” and he’ll go do whatever it is you hand him. So he’s very easily distracted from those meltdowns and I think we do it in a way that not so much. You know, we’re not doing it to really like just give in to him we’re showing him what the difference between what’s appropriate and what’s not.

So, I don’t feel like that’s really getting in to that spoiling room. I don’t know, we’ll see. But right now because of that I don’t think it’s too much of an issue yet but he’s still little

NANCY COHEN: And I think you bring up a really good point. Redirecting a child is a really good way. So, you’re not just saying “No”, you can’t touch that or you can’t have that. And that’s often the first time, when we start to set limits for kids is when they’re starting to get in to things that are dangerous or they shouldn’t be getting into. And sometimes we can’t house proof everything, you know, there are plugs, there are things around, so, it’s really important than to have something else to give them to do.

So it takes her mind off it and then they “okay, I’ll do this instead” some kids will be kind of tenacious or I want to go back to that first thing. And so you just have to kind of say “No”, I know you really want that, but that’s not safe, let’s find something else. And sometimes even leave the room if you have to. I mean, really get in to something different but I think that’s a really good way to handle that. And that’s when the first things start to come up, to when, children are about toddlers. We we’re talking about can we spoil babies?

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah. Can we?

NANCY COHEN: We cannot spoil babies. Babies cannot be spoiled. Babies need to be picked up when they cry. Babies need to be fed. Babies need to be cuddled, babies need to be touched. We have to attach with our babies and in tune with our babies and really have a relationship and that’s the most important thing that we do in the first year. So, we cannot spoil a baby. I remember when my daughter was born; she was a new born baby in the room with me crying.

I picked her up; a nurse came in and said “Don’t pick her up every time she cries. You’re going to spoil her” And this was like three hour old baby. And I thought what? And I said “Well I have a different opinion” I feel like it’s important to me to pick her up. But I was amazed, because this is a person in the medical profession

SUNNY GAULT: Right

NANCY COHEN: Whose guiding people, new moms and you know a lot of people I’m sure would say “Oh, I don’t want to spoil my baby. I’d better put him down” and we used to think that actually. We used to think that if you pick up babies too much when they’re crying, they will cry more and we will spoil them. Then they’ll think that every time they cry they get picked up. Well yeah, they should think that.

But the real truth is all the studies and crying in baby’s shows that just the opposite is true. The faster we pick them the more we meet their needs the more we hold them and try to respond to them in a timely way, the less they actually cry

SUNNY GAULT: Interesting

NANCY COHEN: So

STEPHANIE GLOVER: And it builds confidence too

NANCY COHEN: Right. It does. Somebody’s there for me. Somebody’s there for me. So, it’s really important. It’s not spoiling

SUNNY GAULT: So what, at what age then can we start to spoil our kids?

NANCY COHEN: I think we can start spoiling when they become toddlers. So, twelve, thirteen, fourteen months old and it starts in the way that you were talking about that they want to do something and we don’t want them to do it. And if we let them or make a big deal out of it, then sometimes they realize if I fight long enough I’m going to get some aspect of this. And so, that behaviour can start to become sort of manipulative when they’re toddlers. You know you can tell too because a lot of times a child will go to touch something and they’ll look at you. You know, I’m going to touch the television

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah

NANCY COHEN: You know, and they’re about a year old and like toggle over to it and they go and touch it and then they look to make sure somebody’s watching

SUNNY GAULT: Oh no

NANCY COHEN: You know, am I getting attention for this? And they get attention for it. So, it’s important to make sure that we are setting those limits starting right away. If they’re doing things that we think are inappropriate, you know give them something else to do that is more appropriate and start setting those limits. If they’re throwing food, you’re feeding them and they’re throwing food on the floor. That’s fine for a while because that’s what kids do they throw a food from their high chair on to the floor.

They’re experimenting, it’s fun. But after a while they’re just throwing the food. They’re not eating anymore. It’s a game. So you can say, you know, it looks like you’re finished, let’s you know get off out of your high chair and clean up and we’ll go on to the next thing. So, we don’t have a fight about it with them we just set a limit and move on. And that’s really important

SUNNY GAULT: So why do you think parents typically spoil their children?

NANCY COHEN: I think, well I think a lot of things happen. First of all, I think it depends on the child rearing that they’re doing. You know in the fifties permissive parenting was very popular and that was really saying the child is in charge. Whatever is going to make your child happy basically do it.

So I think we go through different trends in the culture that make us look at like we’re spoiling our children or not spoiling our children. Before the fifties then they had very strict parenting, very authoritarian parenting. And that we were told not to kiss our children or touch them or hold them because again that would be spoiling them.

So I think trends kind of happen. And so, we kind of go along with what is the norm. What our friends are doing? what our doctors tell us to do. I think too with working parents, who are away a lot, and they come home and they’re with their babies, they’re with their toddlers, they’re with their pre-schoolers. They don’t want to fight. They don’t want to have a bad night. They haven’t been with their child all day. And so, if the child says, you know “oh more TV” or “I want to look at the, you know my computer” or “I want to stay up later” or “I want extra ice cream”. The parents don’t want to have a fight. They haven’t seen them all day. They feel bad because they haven’t seen them, all day.

So I think a little bit is from guilt and then they give in. And then they give kids things that they really don’t want their kids to have or do. And that can set up a kind of problem. Guilt, I figured a lot of this is guilt

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah

NANCY COHEN: We don’t want our kids to be unhappy. You know a lot of us just feel like “oh my gosh I can’t see my child be unhappy” and the truth of the matter is sometimes kids are unhappy and that’s okay. We don’t want to make them unhappy. But there are times when they’re going to be unhappy and it’s good for them to learn how to deal with disappointment and move on from it. Does that make sense?

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah totally

NANCY COHEN: Yes. So, I think some of it the guilt, some of us working late and we don’t want to have fights with our kids or we kind of give in and make our lives easier. Sometimes it’s because we have really tough children and we don’t want to fight all the time with a tough kid. So we tend to give in more because that kid can outlast us. So I think there are a bunch of reasons that it happens. The problem too is that, a lot of times we can be called parents who do the spoiling, you know, you’re spoiling her. But often the parents call their kids spoiled. You’re so spoiled; you always get what you want

SUNNY GAULT: [inaudible]

NANCY COHEN: Not only is the kid not getting the limits or the rules of the boundaries or whatever, but now is being blamed for it. It’s his fault. So I think that it’s really important for parents to realize they’re the cause of this. You know the child does come to the equation with the temperament and a tough temperament.

You know that kid’s who can argue all sides of things, can be really hard for parent who’s not as good at that. You know, who has a little bit of a more easy going temperament and so a lot of times those parents are like okay fine, you can have it. You can do it, stay up later, fine. But then that sets up a precedent for other things.

So, it’s really the parent, it’s really about the parent and the parenting. And if we start blaming the child then we really have to take a look at ourselves and say wait a minute, this is a double whammy on this kid.

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah. I think sometimes we’re over compensating for something too like, this doesn’t happen all the time so I don’t want to make a blanket statement but if you didn’t have a lot of things or a lot of whatever growing up, and we’re not just talking about physical items but if you want to allow to do a lot of stuff or you know if you were always yelled at growing up. You know you don’t, you know you don’t want that to happen or if you come from a separated family or something like that

STEPHANIE GLOVER: I see that a lot

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah. And you’re trying to give them or show them love. It’s a little misdirected but you’re trying to, you know be as nice as possible because you know they’re going through something rough

NANCY COHEN: Exactly

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah

NANCY COHEN: Exactly. Yeah. No that does definitely play into it. And again in the short run, it feels like the right thing to do but it’s harder for that child in the long run. And then it’s also harder to undo it

SUNNY GAULT: Alright. Well when we come back were going to talk about what signs to look for to determine if your child is being spoiled also ways to tame your spoiled child or prevent it from happening altogether

[Theme Music]

SUNNY GAULT: Welcome back. Today we’re talking about spoiling your children with child development and behaviour specialist Nancy Cohen. So Nancy, what are some signs that you can point to for all the parents out there that your child might be spoiled. Which will be looking for to determine if we’re indeed spoiling our kids?

NANCY COHEN: I think looking at who’s in charge. That if you feel like everything you do is around one child, particularly it usually in families. It’s interesting to me. It’s not every child that’s spoiled it’s usually one of the children and it’s usually the toughest kid, it’s usually the hardest kid. But I think if you feel like you’re waiting for the shoe, other shoe to drop or always waiting like you feel like you’re walking on egg shells. Or “oh my gosh if I say No, were going to have a big blow up in this restaurant.

So, I think checking yourself to see how you feel about saying No to your child or setting limits and what their reaction might be. And if you feel like you’re kind of being held hostage then that’s a big sign that they’re being spoiled

SUNNY GAULT: Do you find too that parents have a tend say if you have multiple children to spoil like the youngest or I mean is it just about personality or is it, do you find birth order anything like that to be a determining factor on who we are easier on?

NANCY COHEN: It can be. It definitely can be. Younger babies usually, usually the youngest in the family is babied more and given in to more and babied by the rest of the siblings too. So there’s another reason why. You know they don’t have to do anything for themselves, you know, they go “ehh” and their sibling run and get them the toy

SUNNY GAULT: You don’t want to hear them cry

NANCY COHEN: Right. I’ll get it for you. You know. So sometimes it is the baby in the family who gets much. And sometimes too as parents we’re tired, we’re more tired so it’s easier to say fine, fine, fine just you know

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah it’s true

NANCY COHEN: I’ll fall asleep with you, I’ll lay with you on the bed no problem. And we also it might be the last one. And if it’s our last baby we’ll like “oh”

SUNNY GAULT: We want to [inaudible] all of that

NANCY COHEN: Yeah

SUNNY GAULT: So what typically happens long term if we continue to spoil our children? If we don’t catch it and correct it

NANCY COHEN: They can have problems with social skills, getting along with other kids because they want to be in charge. Rules and regulations in school and in the world they feel entitled. They also want things right now, they can’t wait, and they can’t delay gratification which is a really important skill for good outcomes for kids. So it really does have an impact and it also impacts our relationship with them long term. Because a lot of times when they’re in that kind of give me give me give me mood or I want my way or I’m going to do this because I can. We get mad at them and we start not liking being with them sometimes or being afraid to be with them. And so that impacts our relationship with that child.

SUNNY GAULT: I feel like we’re in a huge period of younger kids feeling entitled. You know about this, you read it on the news or whatever. And I just feel like there’s a whole generation coming up as spoiled children and you know I mean I guess that’s another generalization but I feel like it’s different, really is different

NANCY COHEN: I agree. And I think too that being helicopter moms, you know that term? They also don’t give our children the opportunity to be confident, try things out. Be successful, fail, and sometimes take risks, because we’re always there. You know we’re always there figuring everything out for them. And this kind of another side line of spoiling our children because we’re not really allowing them to be independent and to take some risks and to make some mistakes and move on from there. And come up with some good solutions if they’re having a hard time.

If we’re always there telling them what to do and how to act and how to respond to their friends or calling the friends parents every time something happens, which is fine when they’re younger. When they’re older, it’s important to give them the skills to work out their differences. I think we’re missing the bow. I mean I think if we want to protect our kids of course, you know.

Nobody wants to send their kid into the lion’s den. But we also have to give them skills, to be able to operate on their own and to be independent and to feel confident to like “I can take care of myself”. And part of spoiling is not allowing them, just being way too over involved

SUNNY GAULT: So this is the big question, if you guys are listening to the podcast and you’re like “oh no, I think I’m spoiling my child”. How do you break that, you know, I mean. I’m assuming there is a way to break it and kind of lead your kids on the right path. I would also think it could be harder to break it than if it never started right?

NANCY COHEN: And it’s harder the longer it’s gone on. So if you have an eight year old who for eight years has been wheeling the wrist in getting his way and doing what he wants and going to bed when he wants or kind of telling you how to run the house. That’s a lot harder to handle than a two year old, or a tow and a half year old or a four year old.

So, I think the earlier we can recognize it then it’s, I think the first thing is to recognize it that it’s okay to say no. It’s really okay to say no. And it’s okay for them to react. They don’t have to be happy with it. Whatever we say No about and then we have to stick to our guns. It’s also easier if we think before we act.

So if they ask for a second cookie and there’s no reason why they couldn’t have a second cookie, you know they ate well today and you know it’s not interrupting into their meal, you know, everything seems to be, if we can say yes that’s great. If we don’t want to then we have to say no because we really believe in no. No, you already had one, that’s enough for today. We had had other things that work on this week.

So we say no and stick to our guns. And it’s important once we say no to try to stick to no. so if you noticed that you’re the type of parent who says no but then coheres into yes, try saying no and sticking to it. And again let that it’s okay for the child to tantrum. It’s really okay. And the next step would be to understand. I understand that you’re really upset you wanted a second cookie and I said no and it’s hard. Today’s another day and we’re going to have a second cookie. I know you’re upset

SUNNY GAULT: I really like how you said that to say that you understand. I mean because I think that’s why our kids are throwing these tantrums and stuff. They want attention but they just don’t think you get it right? And I think those words especially you know when your kids get a little bit older and they understand what you’re saying to them to say I get your pain, you know I would be upset about that too but, you know and just kind of explain.

I don’t think we ever give kids enough credit you know. I mean, sometimes my husband and I talk about this. Don’t just say no but kind of explain why because he might understand that and a lot of times when I do that with my four year old, he gets it and he’s like okay. I’m like what? There’s no fight? Okay

NANCY COHEN: Hey that worked. Exactly, exactly and the more we do that I think the more they do feel validated. It’s okay to want it and its okay to not get it. And it’s okay for us to understand that they feel bummed out and how they wanted it. Its okay I understand and you’re still not getting it

SUNNY GAULT: End of story

STEPHANIE GLOVER: Yeah

SUNNY GAULT: Alright guys. We’ll thank you so much Nancy for being with us

NANCY COHEN: My pleasure

SUNNY GAULT: For more information on spoiling your children or if you want to learn more about our expert Nancy, you can visit our website. This conversation continues for members of our parent savers club. After the show, Nancy will give us some suggestions on how to handle grandparents who want to spoil your children. What to do about that? That’s a tough one. For more information about the parent savers club visit www.newmommymedia.com

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SUNNY GAULT: Alright we’re going to review an app and this app is called mommy log. It is available on the iPhone as well as the iPad. And this is an app that’s focused on moms who pump. You can be an exclusive pumper or an occasional pumper but this is something that allows you to really track how you’re doing pumping wise. How many ounces you pumped and it’s a very simple app. I like it because it’s free.

The user interface is super simple. You can enter the date and it’s something you just kind of scroll through. Pick the date, pick the time, you can say how many ounces you pumped on either side or you can change that so that it’s just total ounces pumped so you don’t you know say which side. You can write notes. And you can also track this. It’s got some different charts on here, different ways to log it. And one nice thing is you can also export this and create reports.

So, if you just want to kind of track what’s going on with you and your output you can do that if you have a lactation consultant that wants to see what’s going on. There’s a great way to do that too. And another great feature that we discovered is the ability to kind of time you’re pumping sessions. So if you’re a mom that has to pump because you’re returning to work, this is a nice simple app that will allow you to, you know let’s say you only have fifteen minutes or twenty minutes for your break. It allows you to kind of time that.

So for those of you who have kind of tested this out in the studio, give me your thoughts. Colina what do you think?

COLINA CAROTHERS: I really like the timer because I, even though my son is older, he still breastfeeds. And I do work during the days as well. So, I have very specific timeframes where I can pump, and I like to get finished pumping with enough time, you know to clean everything up and put it away and get back to my desk.

So the timer is really helpful because sometimes you’re just looking at facebook and you’re reading and you kind of get lost in whatever else you’re doing besides pumping because you’re trying not to think about it. So she has to do it for sixteen months. So, I mean focusing on everything else.

So, that reminder is really good. I think that’s a very helpful. And then, also, the tracking because that can be good to compare to maybe what he’s getting during the day versus what I’m pumping. Is it evening out? Am I getting too much? You know, that’s, I like that. I like the little charts that’s really helpful

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah. Stephanie what do you think?

STEPHANIE GLOVER: Yeah I like the user friendly interface. I thought it was pretty intuitive which is important I think in an app. And as a mom and as a pumping mom you would want to just kind of keep it simple

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah

STEPHANIE GLOVER: And this app seemed to so

SUNNY GAULT: Yeah. There are a lot of apps out there that have a lot of bells and whistles. I don’t think this is one of them but I think that’s a good thing

STEPHANIE GLOVER: Right

SUNNY GAULT: Because it’s really simple to figure out. I think it would be kind of cool you know when we talk especially on the boob group, our show about breastfeeding we talk a lot about, you know, in order to be able to maximize the effectiveness of your pumping to be able to look at pictures of your kids and stuff. It would be nice if there was something that maybe you could upload a picture of your kid or. I know you can kind of scroll through you know, to your photo albums on your phone and probably do that as well. That would be my only thing is if there’s a way to just customize it super easily or you know be able to you know be able to look at your kid while you’re pumping. I think that that’s really helpful

STEPHANIE GLOVER: And that can help

SUNNY GAULT: I know [inaudible] and everything. I think that could be really great. But still keep it very simple. There are some in ad purchases. Sometimes you got to watch where you’re clicking a little bit because you go to an ad. But if that kind of stuff doesn’t bother you, I think this is nice for you. An app that you can use that really does work that keeps track of everything you need to keep track of as a pumping mom. So again it’s called Mommy Log and it is on the iPhone and iPad. And yeah, be sure to check out. We’re giving it a thumbs up? Alright

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SUNNY GAULT: That wraps up our show for today. We appreciate you listening to Parent Savers.
Don’t forget to check out our sister shows:
• Preggie Pals for expecting parents
• The Boob Group for moms who breastfeed and
• Twin Talks for parents of multiple kids.

This is Parent Savers empowering new parents.

[Disclaimer]
This has been a New Mommy Media production. Information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, Medical or advisor care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.

SUNNY GAULT: New Mommy Media is expanding our line up of shows for new and expecting parents. If you have an idea for a new series or if you’re a business or organization interested in joining our network of shows through a co-branded podcast, visit www.NewMommyMedia.com .

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