I promised myself before I had children that I would never be one of “those mothers.” The kind that lets herself go entirely, stops having sex with her husband and generally becomes a shuffling, sweatpants wearing, minivan driving bore.
But as I listened to the following lyrics to the Arctic Monkeys “Fluorescent Adolescent” this morning at the gym, I could not help but wonder.
“You used to get it in your fishnets
Now you only get it in your night dress
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness
Landed in a very common crisis
Everything’s in order in a black hole
Nothing seems as pretty as the past though
The Bloody Mary’s lacking her Tabasco
Remember when you used to be a rascal?
Falling about
You took a left off Last Laugh Lane
You were just sounding it out
You’re not coming back again.”
After all, I went from this:
to this:
in a manner of three years. Yikes. Granted, the first outfit was a costume and not what I normally wear. And the second one was just after I woke up on Christmas morning. But I’d be lying if I did not admit that I spend 65 percent of my time looking like I do in the second photo above. The other 35 percent of time is spent in my gym clothes.
Uh-oh.
Maybe it is time to get some of my old mojo back. To that end, Rob and I are hitting the town tomorrow night sans children. I am two pounds from the weight I want to be and most of my old clothes fit. Time to break out ye olde bustier? Maybe so.
There will be no lefts of last laugh lane. Not yet. Maybe the fishnets will even make an appearance—under the jeans, of course. After all, I am a mama now.