Am I a bad mother if I let my unborn baby eat Junior Mints?
Would my IQ, happiness, and A cup breasts have been different if my mother ate only organic foods? Everything we read these days tells us that we’re harming our unborn children if we eat anything that contains aspartame, refined sugar, or processed cornstarch. Buying as much organic food as possible makes sense, but it’s just not realistic for me to eat only organic when I’m pregnant. Here are three reasons why…
1. I can’t cook three meals a day, every day. I mean, I could, but I could also string myself up to the rafters by my fingernails. So assuming you’re going to eat out occasionally, are you really going to frequent one of those “all organic” restaurants? The regular restaurants—you know, the good ones—they don’t serve organic food. And that’s OK with me. I don’t know what the actual ingredients are in Chili’s queso dip. But I know that I love it just the way it is.
2. I can’t afford to eat all organic! I want my kids to be college educated. But how the hell can I pay for that when I’ve frittered away their college funds on organic quinoa, hormone-free chicken, and vegetables that are free of pesticides but full of bugs and dirt? Those “health food” specialty grocery stores are exciting and pretty! I feel healthier in those hallowed aisles of gluten-free waffles and acai berries. But all that positive energy gets lost when the very friendly, if not entirely showered, checkout guy tells me the total. It turns out I can spend the same amount as my monthly electric bill in just 25 minutes at Whole Foods! And I live in California! (Electricity ain’t cheap here, folks.)
3. Let’s pretend I had unlimited funds for grocery shopping. Let’s pretend I had a personal chef that would make me every meal. (I would pick Tom Colicchio from Top Chef. He and I would really bond over our love of sausage Bolognese.) Money and a chef Done and done. It’s a 100% organic life for me! Right?
Well…wrong. Let’s get real here. Mama needs her Junior Mints. And Skittles. And I love those Little Debbie oatmeal cookies with the cream in the middle. Little Debbie doesn’t do organic, nor should she.
All in all…I try and eat as organically as possible. I deserve to not have pesticides and chemicals floating around in my body, and believe my baby deserves to have a clean and healthy space in which to grow and thrive. For the sake of my perfect little baby, I will spend the money to buy organic milk and strawberries. And I will avoid diet sodas and preservative-laden “breakfast bars.”
But if this little baby wants me to eat that organic yogurt with the icky film floating on top? He’s got another thing coming.
— Nicole Sullivan was named one of the funniest actresses in film and TV by Entertainment Weekly magazine. She is married to actor Jason Packham and lives in the Hollywood Hills with their son, Dashel, and four rescue dogs, Jackson, Funsies, Donut, and Paco.