By Jennifer L.W. Fink

Elizabeth Johnson’s fourth pregnancy was a complete surprise. Just a few months earlier, her physician had told her she was probably in perimenopause. Her youngest child was in first grade and she’d recently given away all her baby gear. So, when she found out she was pregnant, her first reaction was “borderline terror,” says the Lansing, MI, mom.

Each year more than three million American women find themselves staring in surprise at a positive pregnancy test. Some feel nervous and excited; others, angry and depressed. And why not? Beyond the practical matters of taking care of a baby, women facing an unplanned pregnancy deal with emotional concerns, including how to tell a partner the news and even whether they’ll be able to love and care for their child.

Take Care of Yourself
Even women who plan their pregnancies often find the reality of pregnancy and impending parenthood a bit scary and overwhelming, so the feelings that often go along with unexpected pregnancies—anger, depression, excitement, shock, anxiety—are perfectly normal.

An unplanned pregnancy is a “massive adjustment,” says Ophelia Austin-Small, author of Surprise Motherhood: A Guide to Unexpected Adult Pregnancy and a surprise mother herself. “There’s a very real grief to, ‘My life was going to be X, but now it’s going to be Y.’ ”

Give yourself time to cope, as your initial reaction will likely evolve. “It takes a little bit of soul-searching to say, ‘What do I really want, what am I capable of handling, and what are my support systems?’ ” says Kafui Demasio, M.D., M.P.H., a maternal-fetal medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in Bronx, NY.

And while you’re dealing with your emotions, mind your body. Stop drinking and smoking, and make an appointment with your health-care provider immediately. An unplanned pregnancy can be as healthy as a planned one if you take the right steps; in a recent Kaiser Permanente study, cigarette, alcohol, and drug users who got treatment early in pregnancy had the same health outcomes as women who didn’t use these substances.

Develop a Support Network
Once the shock has subsided, find someone you can talk to.