What could be more heartbreaking than having your baby cry over the nanny leaving for the day? That, in a nutshell, is why I won’t ever hire regular babysitting help. Call me selfish, possessive or downright crazy, but I didn’t endure 12 hours of labor and a trip to the operating room just to have my sweet, darling kid bond closely to somebody else.
I realize that I write this from a place of privilege: My husband and I are in the financial position to allow me to work freelance from home. It’s tough, but we make it work because it matters to us that we do this. I left my office job when our little one was born, because I hated the thought of placing our child in someone else’s care. The germs, the time away, all that I would miss – every bit of it was unsavory to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love alone time. Naps are sacred in this house and I am a drill sergeant about enforcing their regularity. That’s when I shower, work and take a deep breath alone with the silence of my own thoughts. Sure, there are plenty of days when I want to grab the nearest stranger off the street and stick them in the nursery while I run away as fast as my feet can carry me. But I don’t, because I want to be the center of my baby’s universe. Is that nuts?
I want to be the face my child recognizes most – the one that elicits a smile, a floppy wave and a shy little “Hi.” I want my arms to be the ones that offer comfort, the ones that hold and rock my little one to sleep. I want to read books and play games and watch my sweet baby slowly discover the world.
And I don’t want a nanny or a daycare to take my place.
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