Being a mom is a hard job. This tongue-in-cheek mom job description shows just how silly the entire procreation thing is when you take a hard look at it in business terms. Enjoy!
TITLE: Mother.SUMMARY: This position manages to be of the utmost importance and yet somehow also the least visible and/or respected in the entire organization. You will enjoy a whole bunch of superficial attention and lip service from culture, advertisers and politicians, but will never receive a credible follow-up in the form of a concrete plan for advancement, support, benefits or retirement.
Please note: Although you will coordinate, plan and do almost everything, you should expect to crash face-first into bed every night feeling that you’ve accomplished basically nothing. Welcome!
KEY RESPONSIBILITIES: You will be responsible for literally everything, including but not limited to:
• Keeping co-workers alive.
• Related to the above, supervision of all possible hazards, including: electrical currents; water in all forms (baths, sheets of ice, swimming pools, Slip ‘N Slides, lakes, dodgy sprinklers, igloos); table corners; dogs that have food-sharing issues; uncut grapes; playground equipment; bees.