“WOW! Are you huge! When are you due??”
“Gee, when I was expecting, I didn’t get nearly that big.”
“I bet you want a boy since you already have a girl, right?”
“Eating for two is a myth. You shouldn’t be eating so much. You will never be able to lose all the weight you have gained.”
“You are due when? You are far too tiny. You better talk to your doctor about your baby’s growth.”
It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly ordinary polite people seem to lack the filter from the brain to their mouth when in the company of a pregnant woman. They seem to feel totally comfortable making comments about her belly size, her breast dimensions, their own preference about the gender of her baby, how easily she conceived, how she conceived, whether or not she should breast feed, if the baby should or should not sleep in her room, whether or not to circumcise, and what she/they should or should not name their baby.
The fact is, this is your body, your baby, and thus, your decisions! How much weight you gain, how you deliver the baby, and how you plan to feed/name/care for your baby is actually no one’s business other than you, your partner and your health care team. But many pregnant women feel uncomfortable responding to such comments in any other way than a polite answer, or like most people, one doesn’t think of a clever response for another day or two.
What is the most important thing to remember is that they are being insensitive, oblivious and rude. You are in fact not huge or tiny. Your body is growing the way it needs to. The name you pick for your baby is the right name. The way you choose to parent and feed your baby will be the right way for you. They can choose to name and feed and do whatever they want with their children.
Many women have a hard time speaking up for themselves and tend to take criticism as gospel. Just because someone has an opinion doesn’t mean that that opinion is right. When something says something which bothers you, don’t absorb it. Mentally examine the comment and decide if that comment is in fact rational and true. If it is (such as a concerned relative noticing that you have skipped two meals in one day), thank them for the observation and alter your behavior in a way to enhance your and your baby’s health. If the comment is not true, simply make some noncommittal response and continue to live your life in your own healthy way.
Patricia Miller says
When I was in my 20s, I didn’t stop to think much about what life and motherhood would hold in my 40s. I’m 48 now, and truth be told, my 20s are a bit of a blur. I was focused on career, relationships and having fun. I didn’t waste time wondering what I’d be doing at midlife. Because that was far in the future. And because 40-something was, well, old. I have my boys thanks to work of incredibly great specialists of Biotexcom clinic. If 20-something me could take a peek into the future and see what life looked like heading toward 50, I doubt she’d have listed “parenting toddlers” as something she’d be doing. But, that’s just what I’m doing. I’m now one of those “older moms.” I’m the oldest mom on the playground, at preschool, at the pediatrician, the grocery store, and, well, pretty much everywhere. I am always the oldest mom with the youngest kid. But learning how to let go and enjoy the surprises life has thrown my way is inexplicably sweet. Tiring, but sweet.