I grew up in a family of women – even the dog was female. I have never had any idea what to expect from a little boy. So, when my husband and I found out we’d be parents in 2014, I knew exactly what I wanted: A baby girl. When it was time for my second trimester anatomy scan, I held my breath in that little dark room, waiting for the technician to find the parts I’d been praying for.
You see, I’d pinned so much hope and joy onto this moment that I was doubly afraid for the opposite news. If the tech turned to me and my partner to say, “Congrats, it’s a boy!” what would I do? Would my face betray my disappointment? Would I be a bad mom already because I wasn’t happy about having a little boy on the way? Is it OK to be bummed out in the ultrasound room? Would my kid grow up thinking he was somehow not wanted?
All throughout the first trimester of my pregnancy, I had visions of raising a little girl. She’d wear some of my old clothes – dresses my grandmother had handsewn when I was growing up. She’d play with my dollhouse, my baby dolls, and my tea set. And I’m progressive enough to understand that boys can play with these toys, too, but it just wouldn’t be the same to me. Deep in my heart, I’ve always felt that I’m meant to have a family full of girls.
So, back to that ultrasound room: It was a girl. I cried tears of joy and deep relief. Now, that little girl is old enough that her dad and I are thinking about number 2. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m having deja vu.
At the end of the day, the most I can hope for is a happy, healthy baby. And while I know that I’d love a little boy with my whole heart – and even come back to this article and regard it as rubbish – I still can’t let this thing go. I don’t want boys. I want little girls. Here’s why:
1.) Every toddler boy I’ve ever met has a destructive streak I am just not into. Don’t get me wrong here, my daughter can destroy with the best of them. She’s rambunctious and wild and can make a complete disaster out of any room in 10 seconds flat. But there’s something extraordinary about the energy level of a little boy. To that I say, no thank you.
2.) You know that old saying “A daughter’s a daughter all the days of her life; a son is a son until he takes a wife”? Deep in my heart, I want to say it’s archaic, but is it? If I have a son, and he grows up and has a family of his own, will he forget all about me? I’m too emotionally needy for that.
3.) I want to raise sisters. I want my children to have the same loving, close-knit bond my sisters and I have. Can you have that with sisters and brothers?
4.) Names for boys are either seriously boring (e.g. Thomas) or way too trendy and weird (e.g. Duke). There seem to be so many more options when choosing a girl’s name.
5.) The clothes. Do you know how fun it’s been to dress a baby girl? I don’t think you can say the same for a little boy.
So, what do you think? Are you leaning towards one gender or the other for your little one? Do you think my logic here is crazy? Weigh in and share with other moms-to-be in the comments section below.
Paul Banas says
Like most men, I wanted our first baby to be a boy. We had a girl of course and I fell madly in love with her. Then time came for number 2, and I wanted another girl. We got a boy and I fell in love with him. My daughter and I have a special relationship that I don’t have with my son. And my son and I have a special relationship I don’t have with my daughter.
I guess I just want to say that you should be careful about predicting perfect scenarios for your new family. Reality is often quite different than the version you have in your mind. Love the babies you have!
Gamer XED says
Well all babies are beautiful so this person should stop discriminating a baby’s gender and plus what u said is sexist so she should just shut up, well not trying to be rude or anything like that I’m just saying that some people do have baby boys and sexism is WRONG!
Sandy Hayes says
My first born is a boy, my next two are girls. I am expecting another but don’t know and don’t care about the gender.
My son is now 6 and he is the kindest, gentlest, and most loving boy I have ever known. He does not have a mean or destructive streak in his body, even as a toddler, he was always very gentle. He loves to play active games with his friends, don’t get me wrong, but they are not the destructive/violent games that some boys play. I could not have asked for a more loving or better son.
Remember that even if all your kids were girls, it doesn’t mean that they would have a close bond. They might have clashing personalities that lead to strong sibling rivalry. And who is to say that brothers and sisters can’t be close? My son adores his sisters.
I wanted a girl both times. Thankfully both were girls. I DID NOT want a boy at all. Every boy I’ve ever been around has been out of control and wild. The mothers to these boys always say “Oh he’s so gentle” or “he has such a tender heart.” All I see is wild boys running and sweating
“BOYS WILL BE BOYS” is an old saying with much controversy and distain surrounding it. You must be considerate to young boys and their needs. When kids are young their at home influence is crucial. That wild spirit that boys have is biological it turns into destruction when a young boy isn’t give proper outlets to let out all that energy. It’s why we find boys usually have larger passions for sports and competition. You can’t subject your son to the same EXACT standards as your daughters. Boys need boys toys, yes I just said that, and he needs love and understanding from both his mom and his dad. If you expect your son to be a little tyrant then yeah he’ll turn out to be one. Boys are not given the same amount of emotional consideration as girls and as a parent father or mother you must be that shoulder he can rely on and get that consideration. Don’t look down on when talking, it’s been proven that boys respond better when you are on their same level and reaching that level is a hurdle you must overcome.
@DAWN – That’s because it’s only thing your warped, biased mind will allow you to see… It’s probably just as well you only had girls – I’d hate to think what sort of horrible upbringing a boy might have had at your prejudiced hands
Yikes.. thank god u had girls. I’d feel terrible for your son.
Elissa Lovett says
Same. I wanted a girl and I got one but I had 3 sons afterwards so… And moms are like “my son is the sweetest little boy ever” but than he plays a prank on his sister and makes mud pies with his naughty friends.
As a mother of a son and two daughters, I’d say be careful of what you wish for….
Like you, I wanted girls and had those visions that you described; the mother daughter bond, having daughters to have a “sisterly” bond, doing cute girl things..etc. I got my two girls and thought all my dreams would come true, and when I had a son I was disappointed for a while and expected the worst. But I came to realize that having girls do not fulfill WHAT I wanted and dreamed of and that a son is NOT what I thought boys would be….
“Boys are destructive, loud, noisy..etc”: Both my girls fit that role for sure. My younger daughter is still going through the “terrible twos” at age 4 and she drives me bat shit crazy sometimes. Some of her meltdowns were so bad that she had destroyed household items before (last year she took out some glass cups in the dishwasher and smashed them out of anger because she wanted a doll that her older sister got for her birthday). My son is VERY active and is all boy, but he has a soft side and shows way more affection than my girls do, which probably is because they are daddy’s girls.
“A daughter is a daughter all her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife”. That’s too much of a generalization. My best friend has cut contact from her mother and haven’t talked to her in 2 years. Meanwhile my husband is quite close to his mom and helps her out, even though he has a wife and three kids.
“Raising sister”: I so wish this was with my girls and really hope they would be close one day as I am with my sister, but they are completely different and often fight with each other and scream at each other than having a “close loving relationship”. As for a brother-sister relationship, my husband again is very close with his sister, and also are my cousins who are brother and sister. So it’s definitely possible.
“Names for boys boring, fun girl names”: I agree with this, though my son has a very nice name 🙂
Clothes: Yup, girls clothes are soooo much fun! But it’s a PITA if your daughters don’t like them and you find yourself fighting with them just to get them to wear a cute pink frilly dress. My older daughter especially hates “girly” things and would just take them off and decides to be creative where she destroys that nice dress or poops on it to get revenge on you (she did this once on tutu I bought for her on her birthday). Rather she tells me she rather just dress in pajamas or superhero costumes (I think she’s tomboy).
That said, I am disappointed that my daughters did not fill my dreams of what’s it like to have a daughter and regret that I didn’t cherish the time with my son as I was moping over being a “boy mom” since the day I found out he was a boy at my 18 week scan. My son out of all my kids is the most well behaved and he defys the myth that boys ” are stinky, rude, obnoxious, loud..etc”. He definitely has his moments, but it’s definitely manageable compared to my girls where I at times found myself at the verge of tears. That’s why I said be careful of what you wish for, because your daughter may be a living nightmare instead of the “quiet precious sweetheart” you want, and your son may in fact be your best friend (I’m closer to my son than my girls since he’s easier to handle).
So to say; Love that baby boy and be excited for him
Hopefully she never have a baby boy not a grandson nor be anywhere near a little boy, she is clearly prejudiced and if one of her daughters wasn’t the little girly girl Princess or was gay, I guess she’d be out of luck too. Hopefully the author never conceives a son because I’d seriously fear for his safety. She’d probably abort and if not, treat him like crap. People like this are what is wrong our world and why children are so messed up. And btw, your post already is rubbish, author.
Emerals Gem says
Agreed totally with your comments – not only is the author sexist, gender-stereotyped and bigoted – she’s creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for herself with both her daughters (hope they fight and give her hell and that at least one is gay – or maybe even transgender – ha! That’d really throw her!!) – and like so many other posts on here – hope for the poor boy’s sake, she never has a girl (I actually pity her daughters!) I smell massive trauma history either for her, or her family, or both, given that she is that stereotypical and anti-boys!
And to echo what other commenters have also said – there are so many parents out there with disabled, deceased babies, and those people unable to conceive, that such an bigoted article further shows your ingratitude and lack of connection to the real world!
I think this sort of stereotypical whinging fits the bill of ‘get a real problem’ and ‘such a first-world problem!’
So much of this comment is true! Those I personally like boy names more but aside from that I’m with u on everything! Each kid is very unique to themselves. All girls aren’t the same and all boys aren’t the same… it comes down to each individual personality. I have my parents sooooo much shit growing up compared to my brother (who was very smart in school and loving) plus I would refuse to wear anything my mom picked out for me and looking back at my photos the clothing I chose for myself were horrendous! People think they can predict or choose how their kids going to be like but the reality is ur expectations might not be reality
As a mother of a boy and a girl – if you can’t be grateful for a healthy child, you shouldn’t be having children. Or adopt if you’re so against a boy. There are many women who have lost their babies inside and outside of them who would kill for ANY baby regardless of what falls between its legs.
You have a boy AND A girl so I don’t think you’ll understand. It’s not about being ungrateful. And EVERYONE’S concerns and sadness is VALID even if we technically don’t have it as bad as other people. To us it’s a big deal. Not you or anyone else can dimish my emotions or how I feel just by throwing facts that other mom’s can’t even get pregnant….that has NOTHING to do with my situation so it’s stupid to compare the two..
Your comment is the only one here I respect. The rest of these people whining because their baby wasn’t the gender they wanted or didn’t fit their fantasies of what a child should be, disgust me. They need to get a reality check and look at all the infertile people and all the people with disabled children or sick children and shut their mouths. If you aren’t grateful for what God gives you, He will take note. Anyone who isn’t sure they can love their child no matter what has no business bringing them into this world, period.
I feel the exact same way. I already have one boy and he is the best however i REALLY long for the experience of having a little girl. im tired of cars dirt and video games. i thought for sure my current pregnancy was going to be a girl but here we are with a 2nd boy and I can’t even explain how heartbroken I was when I first found out. All my dreams of bows, unicorns, mommy and me pedicures and Barbie movies just flew out the window. I still mourn to this day the little girl I wish I’d have and it’s so hard to feel happy for other mom’s who have girls. The jealousy is so beyond real. I still love my boys but I think I will ALWAYS be sad that I’ll never get that mom and daughter experience. Some tell me to try for another but I have this deep feeling that I’m just destined to be a boy mom and two boys is all I can handle so it just isn’t meant to be for me and I’ll have to learn to be okay with that. ): glad you got your little girl though. Even tho I’m a smidge jelly. Lol
Nicole Caraccilo says
There are things you can do before getting pregnant to sway for a girl, it works look into it.
People who can’t love their child if it doesn’t fit their expectations doesn’t deserve to have them. When you think of all the people who want children but can’t have them and to see people whining because it wasn’t how they fantasized it would be, just awful. How do you think your unwanted sons would feel reading this? Just get an abortion if you don’t want a boy or do gender selection but don’t bring them in and not love them right. God will make note of your ingratitude, you can bet on it.
I’d really like to know what your point was for this article. Who cares if you hate little boys, which is basically what you are saying. Do you think you’re better than any woman who has boys? It makes the rest of your articles seem ridiculous talking about babies when you admitted in this article you can’t stand baby boys. You should leave boy babies out of any of your future articles.
I’m glad for you that your husband’s mother didn’t have your hateful attitude.
It’s like you are trying to make boy children and their parents feel less than. This article is disgusting from a pregnancy magazine writer. In this day and age when we have women aborting boys because they couldn’t dress them up fancy, articles like your’s are dangerous.
Nicole Caraccilo says
I totally agree
Nicole Caraccilo says
it sounds like you want a girl to feel some void in your life you have. Know your girl can easily up and leave you and she has her family as well this isn’t the 18th century. And little girls have lungs on them screeching like wild banjees that I don’t want anything to do with. Little boys don’t do THAT. Boys love their mamas more anyways. You sound like you live in a fantasy world. But when that second baby comes your world is about to be shattered because raising siblings is nothing the way you think it will be boys or girls. I have many believe me I know. I hope you mature more by the time your next child comes.
OMG agreed totally with this comment – my educated guess is that she’s had some intergenerational trauma in her life that she is trying to vicarious fix or heal through her own 2 daughters. Maybe her father was a nasty DV abuser who traumatised her mother and sister and self… something along those lines.
I see the role of a parent raising a boy actually challenging in a different way to a the parent of a daughter – in that you have the pwoerful opportunity to raise a non-misogynisitic, caring, empathic, mature, and independent young man that will be respectful to girls and women throughout his life!
This is the most offensive article I have ever seen- I don’t even know why I finished reading it, this author is appalling! I hope your daughter doesn’t grow up into a boy hater like you, please set a good example for her and let her know that gender bias is not okay. All your statements are total stereotypes! As the mom of 3 sons, I would have loved to have a daughter just to mix things up, but my sons are amazing loving humans, do not fit your stereotypes, and I feel so privileged to be able to raise them. I could stereotype the way you did and say all girls are clicky, gossipy, and bratty- but this is also not true, its a stereotype. Pregnancy Magazine, you should be ashamed of printing this!
Sadly – I doubt the author has the capacity to raise her daughter’s to be well-rounded non-bigoted young women, as she is clearly blind to her own gender bias and GROSS gender stereo-typing! I’d love to be a fly on the wall, when she has a daughter that hates dresses and refuses to wear make-up and paint her nails (i.e. a girl that doesn’t derive her self-esteem from her appearance!)
Im the complete utter opposite of this article. I prayed everyday to have a little boy tho I’d still love a girl. I’d love my children regardless… plus we inforce so many gender roles that simply just aren’t true. You might have a girl that defies everything u wanted in a “girl” and vice versa. I’d be grateful to be blessed with a baby period and I’d have so much love for a girl even tho my heart is very much so set on a boy ? but that doesn’t mean I harbor hatred towards girls. This article comes off as very aggressive.
I find this really lame.
All kids are innocent and you should be grateful for what you get.
I have had 3 girls and 3 boys. All brought up in the same way. The girls are wonderful daughters. The boys are like strangers. Waste of time.
As a mother of 3 boys and 3 girls I have found that boys are selfish. Girls are loving thoughtful and caring.
Lisa J. says
This is the comment I was waiting on. I don’t have kids, but really don’t want to have boys b/c of this reason. In comparison to women, most guys I’ve ever met seem to more or less write off their moms once they leave the nest.
Sure, they may step up if they’re the only child, but if their are are girls, the boys will gladly let them should the burden of taking care of them. I just think that males are more selfish.
But it also makes me wonder….so, how do you raise a good, caring, selfless male in today a society that’s still unraveling toxic male traits?
I definitely want girls and would be a bit sad if I had a boy initially. Just being honest. I’d love him the same, but I’d still try to have a baby girl after lol. I want that almost sisterly bond that I have with my mom.
As the mother of three of each, they all have their faults and good points. You’re just biased and only seeing whatnot prejudiced mind allows you to see. I wonder if your “waste of time” boys, as you call them, have a more fraught relationship with you just because of your obvious favouritism towards your girls?
I too dreamed of a girl, my mini-me. Growing up with 2 sisters and a brother, us ladies ruled the house. I’m so close with my mom. She is my best friend. While I respect my dad for who he was, we didn’t really bond like my Mom and I. He watched sports, said little, while I directed plays with my sister and friends. Then baby name list for girls is so much longer than boys. I just don’t want it anymore. It’s not too late to abort.
I am absolutely terrified i will have a boy. I have worked with young children for 5 years now. As a daycare teacher and as a nanny and no little boy has ever made me think to myself oh how i would love to have a boy. But i most definitely can say the opposite is very true for girls. EVERY boy i have had to watch has driven me crazy. They dont listen they are too rough their energy levels are always off the charts they just have always been 10x harder than the girls. And they are always rude and nasty when they get older. Dont even get me started on potty training…. The WORST with boys. And men now a days… are the worst and dont give me any hope…and boy moms are always awful to add a cherry on top of it all. I completely understand. And i think the original poster is extremely valid.