There I said it: I don’t want a baby boy

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I grew up in a family of women – even the dog was female. I have never had any idea what to expect from a little boy. So, when my husband and I found out we’d be parents in 2014, I knew exactly what I wanted: A baby girl. When it was time for my second trimester anatomy scan, I held my breath in that little dark room, waiting for the technician to find the parts I’d been praying for.

You see, I’d pinned so much hope and joy onto this moment that I was doubly afraid for the opposite news. If the tech turned to me and my partner to say, “Congrats, it’s a boy!” what would I do? Would my face betray my disappointment? Would I be a bad mom already because I wasn’t happy about having a little boy on the way? Is it OK to be bummed out in the ultrasound room? Would my kid grow up thinking he was somehow not wanted?

All throughout the first trimester of my pregnancy, I had visions of raising a little girl. She’d wear some of my old clothes – dresses my grandmother had handsewn when I was growing up. She’d play with my dollhouse, my baby dolls, and my tea set. And I’m progressive enough to understand that boys can play with these toys, too, but it just wouldn’t be the same to me. Deep in my heart, I’ve always felt that I’m meant to have a family full of girls.

So, back to that ultrasound room: It was a girl. I cried tears of joy and deep relief. Now, that little girl is old enough that her dad and I are thinking about number 2. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m having deja vu.

 There I said it: I dont want a baby boyAt the end of the day, the most I can hope for is a happy, healthy baby. And while I know that I’d love a little boy with my whole heart – and even come back to this article and regard it as rubbish – I still can’t let this thing go. I don’t want boys. I want little girls. Here’s why:

1.) Every toddler boy I’ve ever met has a destructive streak I am just not into. Don’t get me wrong here, my daughter can destroy with the best of them. She’s rambunctious and wild and can make a complete disaster out of any room in 10 seconds flat. But there’s something extraordinary about the energy level of a little boy. To that I say, no thank you.

2.) You know that old saying “A daughter’s a daughter all the days of her life; a son is a son until he takes a wife”? Deep in my heart, I want to say it’s archaic, but is it? If I have a son, and he grows up and has a family of his own, will he forget all about me? I’m too emotionally needy for that.

3.) I want to raise sisters. I want my children to have the same loving, close-knit bond my sisters and I have. Can you have that with sisters and brothers?

4.) Names for boys are either seriously boring (e.g. Thomas) or way too trendy and weird (e.g. Duke). There seem to be so many more options when choosing a girl’s name.

5.) The clothes. Do you know how fun it’s been to dress a baby girl? I don’t think you can say the same for a little boy.

So, what do you think? Are you leaning towards one gender or the other for your little one? Do you think my logic here is crazy? Weigh in and share with other moms-to-be in the comments section below.

5 Comments

  1. Like most men, I wanted our first baby to be a boy. We had a girl of course and I fell madly in love with her. Then time came for number 2, and I wanted another girl. We got a boy and I fell in love with him. My daughter and I have a special relationship that I don’t have with my son. And my son and I have a special relationship I don’t have with my daughter.

    I guess I just want to say that you should be careful about predicting perfect scenarios for your new family. Reality is often quite different than the version you have in your mind. Love the babies you have!

  2. My first born is a boy, my next two are girls. I am expecting another but don’t know and don’t care about the gender.

    My son is now 6 and he is the kindest, gentlest, and most loving boy I have ever known. He does not have a mean or destructive streak in his body, even as a toddler, he was always very gentle. He loves to play active games with his friends, don’t get me wrong, but they are not the destructive/violent games that some boys play. I could not have asked for a more loving or better son.

    Remember that even if all your kids were girls, it doesn’t mean that they would have a close bond. They might have clashing personalities that lead to strong sibling rivalry. And who is to say that brothers and sisters can’t be close? My son adores his sisters.

  3. I wanted a girl both times. Thankfully both were girls. I DID NOT want a boy at all. Every boy I’ve ever been around has been out of control and wild. The mothers to these boys always say “Oh he’s so gentle” or “he has such a tender heart.” All I see is wild boys running and sweating

  4. As a mother of a son and two daughters, I’d say be careful of what you wish for….

    Like you, I wanted girls and had those visions that you described; the mother daughter bond, having daughters to have a “sisterly” bond, doing cute girl things..etc. I got my two girls and thought all my dreams would come true, and when I had a son I was disappointed for a while and expected the worst. But I came to realize that having girls do not fulfill WHAT I wanted and dreamed of and that a son is NOT what I thought boys would be….

    “Boys are destructive, loud, noisy..etc”: Both my girls fit that role for sure. My younger daughter is still going through the “terrible twos” at age 4 and she drives me bat shit crazy sometimes. Some of her meltdowns were so bad that she had destroyed household items before (last year she took out some glass cups in the dishwasher and smashed them out of anger because she wanted a doll that her older sister got for her birthday). My son is VERY active and is all boy, but he has a soft side and shows way more affection than my girls do, which probably is because they are daddy’s girls.

    “A daughter is a daughter all her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife”. That’s too much of a generalization. My best friend has cut contact from her mother and haven’t talked to her in 2 years. Meanwhile my husband is quite close to his mom and helps her out, even though he has a wife and three kids.

    “Raising sister”: I so wish this was with my girls and really hope they would be close one day as I am with my sister, but they are completely different and often fight with each other and scream at each other than having a “close loving relationship”. As for a brother-sister relationship, my husband again is very close with his sister, and also are my cousins who are brother and sister. So it’s definitely possible.

    “Names for boys boring, fun girl names”: I agree with this, though my son has a very nice name 🙂

    Clothes: Yup, girls clothes are soooo much fun! But it’s a PITA if your daughters don’t like them and you find yourself fighting with them just to get them to wear a cute pink frilly dress. My older daughter especially hates “girly” things and would just take them off and decides to be creative where she destroys that nice dress or poops on it to get revenge on you (she did this once on tutu I bought for her on her birthday). Rather she tells me she rather just dress in pajamas or superhero costumes (I think she’s tomboy).

    That said, I am disappointed that my daughters did not fill my dreams of what’s it like to have a daughter and regret that I didn’t cherish the time with my son as I was moping over being a “boy mom” since the day I found out he was a boy at my 18 week scan. My son out of all my kids is the most well behaved and he defys the myth that boys ” are stinky, rude, obnoxious, loud..etc”. He definitely has his moments, but it’s definitely manageable compared to my girls where I at times found myself at the verge of tears. That’s why I said be careful of what you wish for, because your daughter may be a living nightmare instead of the “quiet precious sweetheart” you want, and your son may in fact be your best friend (I’m closer to my son than my girls since he’s easier to handle).

    So to say; Love that baby boy and be excited for him

  5. As a mother of a boy and a girl – if you can’t be grateful for a healthy child, you shouldn’t be having children. Or adopt if you’re so against a boy. There are many women who have lost their babies inside and outside of them who would kill for ANY baby regardless of what falls between its legs.

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