• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Pregnancy Logo 2018

Pregnancy Magazine

Pregnancy and infancy news, tips, and reviews

“Great
  • Pregnancy
  • Labor & Delivery
  • Baby
  • Breastfeeding
  • SUBSCRIBE
  • Buyer’s Guide

Why date nights fail and how to revive your marriage

05/05/2016 by Julian Redwood, MFT 1 Comment

Date nights are supposed to be the nectar that feeds our relationships in the face of our busy lives and consuming kids.

Unfortunately, they are often a disappointment and leave us wondering if we can ever experience the joy we once knew.

This week’s video explores the reasons why date nights fail and what you can do instead to revive the joy and love in your relationship.

Watch more videos at Full Frontal Fatherhood.

Here’s a transcription if you’d rather read:

Date nights are a wonderful idea, but the reality is that they often leave us disappointed. We come from work. We are tired. We eat food and perhaps have a drink. Which makes us even more tired. We sit and talk about the kids. Maybe once you get home you have sex, but it really isn’t enough to feed the relationship in the way that we need in order to counterbalance all the intense things that come with being a parent.

Fortunately, there is one thing that you can do instead that will really support your relationship to thrive. For my wife and me, it has been a wonderful godsend in the face of all the challenges of being parents. I honestly don’t believe we would be a happy couple if it weren’t for this.

Our Trick

Our trick is simply to regularly have overnights. We go somewhere novel, even just a cheap hotel. Some place where we do not have to look at the dishes and the laundry. Someplace where we can just enjoy each other. There is the space to take a nap, so we can get over our tiredness. And there is the time to really talk, connect and deal with any emotional issues that might be there. Or just chitchat about anything that is going on in life.

We can just enjoy each other without the normal stressors. We do not have to worry about the kids being in the other room and the laundry that is piled up on the dresser next to us. Somebody else can bring food, while we are able to rest and sleep well and wake up in the morning and once again connect, perhaps even have sex again.

I am surprised almost every time how much my wife and I can enjoy each other when we have this type of carefree space. Sadly, amidst all of life’s stresses, I forget how truly delightful she can be until I have this kind of spaciousness. Without these times to really play with one another, our partners and relationships tend to feel really mundane.

Good sex requires the space to really connect. Not necessarily with a deep conversation, but with at least the time to settle in and arrive into the moment. When we used to date our partners, there was the warm-up of going out and talking and walking and sharing about our lives. All of the planning for the date, time to connect and build up of the connection supported really great sex. Having a planned overnight is the perfect way to recreate that experience.

A Couple Tips

Ideally, find another family with a similarly aged child or children so you can do swaps. Each family can get a regular overnight that is planned out months in advance and you do not have to pay a ton of money for child care.

One thing to watch out for is to make sure not to go to the same place every time. Research has shows that it actually makes a significant difference to go to novel settings each time. In a novel setting, our body releases more oxytocin and we are more likely to feel alive and connected to our partner. Simply pick a hotel that is different each time and go to a new restaurant.

Do not get in a routine that’s comfortable. Routines lead to a sense of deadness and cause relationships to go flat. Instead, find new little adventures. They do not have to be extravagant, but they will enable you and your partner to relive the joy you once knew.

Thank you for joining me for another episode. I would love to hear how you do date nights. Please join the conversation below and I will see you next time for another episode.

Take care,
Julian Redwood, MFT

Filed Under: Pregnancy

Reader Interactions

Trackbacks

  1. Why date nights fail and how to revive your marriage | My Parenting News says:
    06/05/2016 at 12:12 PM

    […] Source link […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

More to See

The perfect workout for pregnant women (sponsored)

03/28/2019 By Isa Herrera, MSPT CSCS

hospital birth

Hospital Birth in a Pandemic: 5 Easy Ways to Gain Peace of Mind

03/26/2021 By Sarah Moore

sleep through the night

Get Your Baby to Sleep through the Night in ONE day!

03/10/2021 By Elizabeth Pantley

Footer

Copyright 2021 Pregnancy Magazine Group

Emails powered by Wishpond: PregnancyWishpond

Dedicated WordPress hosting: PregnancyFlywheel

WordPress Theme: PregnancyTheme

This website provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for an examination by your healthcare provider. If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a physician or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use.

 

Recent

  • Staying healthy while pregnant this spring
  • Hospital Birth in a Pandemic: 5 Easy Ways to Gain Peace of Mind
  • Get Your Baby to Sleep through the Night in ONE day!
  • What expecting mothers need to know to cope with nesting
  • Risks of marijuana use during pregnancy: Expecting mothers need to know

Search

© Copyright 2021 Pregnancy Magazine Group · All Rights Reserved

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.