3 non-negotiables for romance (even with a baby)


When parents truly love each other, it’s the best gift a child can receive.

Having a baby is the most joyous and challenging time. Everything changes from your schedules to how you view the world. It’s a big adjustment.

With a newborn, SLEEP becomes a priority. Nights are full of feedings and mornings start early. With a few practices, keep your romance burning brightly (no matter how many times the baby cries).

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m sharing my three non-negotiables for romance, so you can keep your relationship a priority.

  1. Speak Your Partner’s Love Language.

Knowing your partner’s love language will deeply nourish your relationship. The Love Language Quiz by Gary Chapman explains how someone can fill your love tank based on your romantic preferences. When you figure out yours and your partners’, you may be unknowingly upsetting them. Or thinking you’re being helpful when you’re doing something they don’t appreciate.

Think about past relationships. Just because someone didn’t love you in the way that you wanted them to, doesn’t mean they didn’t love you. They weren’t speaking your love language.

According to Gary, there are five love languages: 1) Physical Touch, 2) Quality Time, 3) Acts of Service, 4) Gifts, and 5) Words of Affirmation. Examples of physical touch are: holding hands, putting your hand on their leg while driving, hugs, and massages. Examples of quality time are cuddling on the couch watching your favorite show (Ours is Modern Family!), or going for a walk together. Acts of Service can be booking their spa appointment, doing the laundry (actually folding it and putting it away in 48 hours!), or washing the car. Gifts can be sending flowers, buying their favorite bread, or paying for dinner. Words of Affirmation are words of praise, appreciation, and love. You can say things like, “I’m so grateful to have you in my life, because you make me laugh!” or “I’m so lucky to have you, because you always listen to me when I’m upset. I really appreciate how much you care for me.”

Photo credit: https://www.5lovelanguages.com

Click here to learn your Love Language and have your partner take the quiz, too.

Was it what you thought it was?

Let’s say your partner’s love language is Acts of Service and yours is Physical Touch. Then you won’t get a massage until you fold the laundry.

  1. Appreciate Your Partner

The secret glue that keeps your bond alive isn’t sex or booking a surprise trip to the Bahamas. Although they’re fun! It’s an APPRECIATION.

The next time your partner does something thoughtful, tell them! Say, “Honey, thank you SO MUCH for cleaning up after dinner! You know how much studying means to me and I appreciate you taking care of the dishes, so I can concentrate on school work. I love you!”

Acknowledging the other person’s efforts makes them feel seen, heard, and held. Even a thank you note goes a long way. In fact, doing so makes your partner want to do more good things for you. It’s a win, win!

  1. Gaze into Each Other’s Eyes

With a newborn at home, time is PRECIOUS. I remember those first few months after bringing ___ home. My husband and I were utterly exhausted! Thank God parenting is a team effort. We were so grateful to have each other and made sure we made each other a priority in little ways.

I lived for the last five minutes when my head hit the pillow at night. Sometimes that’s all the time you have to kiss your partner and say, “I love you!”

Eye gazing is such an effective (and easy!) way to create intimacy and connection.

Before you go to bed, set the timer for one minute, and just stare into each other’s eyes. It may sound weird. I invite you to try it. You may get emotional as you feel feelings of warmth rush over you. That’s OK! You may want to talk. Try not to and get lost in the moment.

You are loved. From me. Your partner. And yourself.

Someone once told me that you should take care of yourself first, your marriage second, and your baby third. Maybe it’s the other way around: baby, partner, then self. Regardless of what you think, when you take care of yourself AND your lover, romance will stay alive.

How do you keep your romance alive with a baby? Let us know in the comments! Your words may inspire others!

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